Adrian Chiles has identified his worst character trait: a combination of coveting others' food and refusing to share his own. In a candid reflection, he describes the hypocrisy as "as unattractive as a half-eaten pot of yoghurt covered in mould."
The Science Behind Stolen Chips
A Russian study on whether "moral transgression might enhance gustatory pleasure" found that people who ate someone else's fries rated them as tastier, even though they were identical. Chiles admits this logic doesn't fully explain his behavior; he simply wants food for the sake of wanting it, like a dog eyeing a meal.
A Childhood of Plate Pilfering
Chiles recalls a school lunch where he repeatedly asked a friend for chips and sausage until the friend silently scraped his remaining food onto Chiles's plate and walked off. "This is nearly half a century ago, and I have yet to experience anything else as devastating as a demonstration of quiet contempt," he writes.
Despite the humiliation, he didn't change. On a family holiday in Bournemouth, he spotted untouched chips on a neighboring table and suggested asking for them. His friend's parents reacted with horror, and the chips were taken away. "All those potatoes picked, chipped and deep fried, for nothing. Heartbreaking," Chiles laments.
The Sharing Plate Dilemma
Chiles admits he is unwilling to share food from his own plate. "If it's on there, it's mine. Ownership is clear," he says. Dining out becomes stressful with "small plates" and "sharing plates," which blur demarcation lines. He describes the negotiation over a single poppadom as a "game of chicken," with diners halving it into ever smaller fragments to avoid taking the last piece.
Math also comes into play: the number of morsels on each plate must be divisible by the number of diners. If not, Chiles says he might as well leave and buy a bag of chips all his own.
Despite his quirks, Chiles notes he is a good cook who delights in feeding others, but on his terms: "My house, my table, my kitchen, my rules."
