A woman from Utah has gone viral after sharing that she broke up with her boyfriend because of insights gained from reading Sarah J. Maas's popular romantasy series, A Court of Thorns and Roses (ACOTAR). The first book in the series was recently named Spotify's most streamed audiobook of all time, with over 13 million copies sold worldwide.
The Realization Through Fiction
Kaeli Dance, a 27-year-old choreographer and performer, initially thought her relationship was perfect. Her boyfriend bought her roses weekly, made time for her, and texted her every morning. However, after reading ACOTAR, she began to see troubling parallels between her relationship and the controlling dynamic between characters Feyre and Tamlin.
“Most of the time I felt really special, but there were random moments where I felt uncomfortable,” Kaeli told Metro. “I felt like something was off, but I couldn’t put it into words because everything on the outside was so perfect. Where I couldn’t put it into words, ACOTAR could.”
She explained that the book, told from a female perspective, contrasts a controlling relationship with a healthier one. “I started to realise that the person I was dating reminded me of the controlling relationship Feyre had with Tamlin. I ignored it at first, but then there was an experience that was so much like Feyre’s in the book, it was impossible to ignore.”
The Breaking Point
The pivotal moment came one night when Kaeli became extremely ill while her boyfriend slept. Despite needing help, she chose not to wake him. “I was so sick the room was spinning and I couldn’t see straight. My boyfriend had had a rough day and he was sleeping and in that moment I didn’t want to wake him up as he had his own problems. I immediately flashed to Feyre in Book Two. I realised that I did not trust my boyfriend to help me, in the ways that I specifically need help, when I am at my lowest.”
In the ACOTAR series, Feyre experiences a similar situation with Tamlin, having horrendous nightmares but opting not to wake him for analogous reasons. This realization gave Kaeli the courage to confide in her friends and ultimately end the relationship.
Viral TikTok and Broader Reactions
Kaeli shared her story on TikTok, where it garnered thousands of likes and views. In the video, she advised, “If your significant other reminds you of Tamlin, DO NOT DATE THEM.” She emphasized that the books helped her recognize trauma and unhealthy relationship patterns.
Her experience resonated with others. Another TikToker, Sof (@acourtofsmutandroses), claimed she also broke up with her boyfriend because he didn’t meet her romance expectations. A woman named Bel (@isabelmoffatt_) replied, “I just did the exact same, two and a half years and now I feel so free. We should never settle for less.”
However, the trend has sparked criticism from some men who argue that romance books create unrealistic expectations. Jesse Alordiah posted on X, “Porn lied to men. Romance movies & books lied to women. Now we all have unrealistic expectations of each other.” Another user, @TheMuppetPastor, wrote that erotic literature “rots women’s minds, gives them unrealistic expectations of romance and sex.”
Authors and Readers Defend Romance Novels
Kaeli disagrees with the notion that romance books set unrealistic standards. “Reading about these so-called ‘book boyfriends’ has been a healing experience for me, because it helps me know that I can look for more than the bare minimum,” she said. “In my dating life, I have had very low standards, much too low. It really stemmed from a belief that I wasn’t worth being treated well. Thanks to reading, and therapy I am slowly learning that I don’t have to accept mistreatment.”
New York Times bestselling author Tessa Bailey, beloved by BookTok for her spicy romance novels, weighed in. “When I write in a male point of view, I’m writing a more desirable version of a man. For instance, he spends a lot of time thinking about the heroine’s wants and needs. That’s part of the fantasy,” she told Metro. “But I also think women are smart enough to know they are reading a fantasy. They don’t suddenly expect their partners to start flying them around in a helicopter or taking them to Paris on dates. Although they might hope for more thoughtfulness and consideration—and shouldn’t we all expect those things?”
Bailey added that romance novels often strengthen relationships by encouraging readers to be more vocal about their needs. “Perhaps if that is frowned upon in a relationship, it’s more of a reflection of the partner than the reader.”
Kaeli concluded, “I am fully aware that the books are fiction, and I only expect that a partner will give as much as I give. I just want to feel as loved and cherished as the female main character does in the books that I love. It’s not too much to ask.”
