The Reluctance of Straight Male Authors to Write About Sex
Are straight male writers truly scared of writing about sex? In modern fiction, it often appears so. Many may worry that including a sex scene could come across as exploitative or gratuitous, or perhaps they feel their gender has already said enough on the subject, leading them to stay silent.
Contrasting Approaches in Literature
Women writing about straight relationships do not seem to share this nervousness. For them, sex frequently serves as a central narrative element, offering nuanced portrayals of masculinity. Examples range from the slow-burn tenderness and awkward intimacy in Sally Rooney's works to the surreal celebrations and lamentations of the erotic in Diane Williams's short stories.
The Bad Sex in Fiction award, which ended in 2019, highlighted this issue. It often conflated comically bad writing with great writing that was simply bad, but its funniest and most excruciating winners were straight men attempting sincere and exuberant sex scenes, resulting in ludicrous metaphors or shoddy pornographic tones. Past winners included James Frey and Didier Decoin, whose passages were widely mocked.
The Impact on Contemporary Fiction
In the 21st century, it seems straight male authors have largely abandoned writing about sex altogether. This is a significant loss, as writers are naturally obsessed with relationships—how we treat, fail, or fulfill each other, and how we connect despite our ultimate unknowability. Omitting sex neglects both the minutiae and excesses of human experience.
Luke Kennard, author of Black Bag, emphasizes not shying away from sex in writing, as it helps form characters. In a sex scene, every detail or desire is described for a reason, revealing a character's relationship with their own sexuality and their treatment of others and themselves.
Historical Context and Modern Challenges
Nobody wants to emulate the pathological misogyny of Henry Miller or Charles Bukowski, with their coldly itemized conquests. Similarly, John Updike's waspish, suburban proto-polyamory feels like the voice of a priapic pub bore. While it is good to know what to avoid, there is uncertainty about what to do instead.
This discomfort often leads authors to decorously fade to black, rejoining characters after the act. Examples include Keiran Goddard's Hourglass, where physicality is sublimated into long-distance running, and Joe Dunthorne's The Adulterants, which presents a sexless open marriage. In Kennard's The Answer to Everything, characters are too exhausted to consummate their affairs, with sex only hinted at through post-act remorse.
Power Dynamics and Insecurity
David Foster Wallace's Brief Interviews with Hideous Men reveals subjects who hate women but love having sex with them, listing seduction techniques and lacking human emotion. This marked a bitter end to the era of Roth, Updike, and Bellow.
As Luke Brown noted in 2020, heterosexual male desire has long been linked to abuses of power, making the two seem inextricable. Traditional campus novels often feature this power imbalance, with middle-aged lecturers having affairs that ruin lives, as seen in works by JM Coetzee and Percival Everett.
Moving Forward with Nuance
Straight male authors are not expected to write uplifting novels about how wonderful sex is—that could come off as gross. However, writing is a tool for discovery, and these authors have serious hang-ups that need exploration. Insecurities about sex, such as viewing it as a competitive sport with performance anxiety, are often too embarrassing to admit, contributing to the fear of failure.
In contrast, queer fiction offers numerous examples of good writing about sex, such as Brandon Taylor's self-loathing protagonists or Djamel White's All Them Dogs, which sets intimacy against hyper-masculine gang culture. Naoise Dolan's Exciting Times plays with power dynamics, highlighting how sex can acknowledge or subvert power.
Innovative Approaches in Recent Works
In Black Bag, Kennard inverts the traditional campus novel trope with an unconventional relationship between an out-of-work actor and a professor. Their sex life involves constant edging, with the actor encased in a leather bag, finding joy in submission and a relationship that removes him from the equation.
When done well, sex in novels can be transformative, as it engages private fantasies without shame and emphasizes imagination alongside the physical. Researching Black Bag, Kennard consulted Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's Venus in Furs, noting its melodramatic but insightful exploration of kink and power dynamics.
Ultimately, much of human behavior stems from seeking that "kind of shudder" described in literature, making it crucial to attempt putting these complex experiences into words, however strange they may be.
