Trump’s War ‘Ending’: A Masterclass in Reality Suspension
Last September, I attended the Trump-Starmer press conference at Chequers, where the US president declared he had personally ended eight global conflicts. Among them, he claimed, was a war between Azerbaijan and Albania—a conflict so obscure it likely never existed. Starmer nodded along, as if confirming the impossible. Days later, Trump denied ever meeting Peter Mandelson, despite footage of their Oval Office chat dominating news. Keir didn’t flinch. Perhaps I’m pedantic, but now Trump is ‘ending’ a real war: the one with Iran. It’s churlish to note he started it, but the Nobel committee might still award him peace. The ‘ending’ involves missile strikes after declaring a deal. Maybe attacking each other is their love language.
SNP Embezzlement: Sturgeon’s Convenient Ignorance
Peter Murrell pleaded guilty to embezzling over £400,000 from SNP funds, but questions linger. How did no one notice missing donations? Why did voters ignore the iffy finances? The SNP operated like a cult, excusing any behaviour. Nicola Sturgeon claims she knew nothing of her husband’s fraud. Either she’s breathtakingly dim or lacked curiosity. She thought he was saving for a rainy day, despite his salt and pepper grinder habit: £526 Peugeot mills in 2019, then £2,618 Lalique glass grinders. He also wore a £75 Slouch Pouch Onesie. Their marital arrangement seems devoid of questions. If I bought a holiday home without consulting my wife, she’d demand answers. But Sturgeon just thought he was spoiling himself.
Burnout: The Bravest Decision Is to Stop
Carla Denyer, Green MP for Bristol Central, announced a leave of absence due to burnout. Online abuse followed, including from political journalists. ‘Burnt out from what? Sitting in the Commons doing nothing?’ they sneered. But burnout creeps up: anxiety, inability to get out of bed, gradual worsening. I’ve been there—hospitalized twice for depression. Sometimes the bravest thing is to stop. We shouldn’t presume to judge how others manage their mental health.
Tony Blair: The Saviour Who Can’t Look Back
A Channel 4 documentary on Tony Blair revealed a telling moment: when asked if he’d considered therapy, he looked awkward. ‘No,’ he said nervously. He never felt the need to look back, preferring to act. This explains why he can’t accept responsibility for the Iraq War’s hundreds of thousands of deaths. In his mind, he’s a saviour with pure motives. His recent critique of Labour was supposedly to help, but really to remain relevant. If he wanted to help, he’d call Starmer privately. Instead, he wrote a manifesto for the Tories.
Spurs Survival: A White-Knuckle Ride
I missed Spurs’ last game, listening on the car radio—a terrifying experience. My imagination conjured worse than reality. Tottenham scraped a win, finishing 17th for the second year. I renewed my season ticket despite the club’s refusal to lower prices. Non-exec chair Peter Charrington’s ‘apology’ wasn’t sorry. But now I can relax and enjoy the World Cup, starting June 11. I’m doing a show at Leicester Square Theatre the day before—your last chance to avoid football mania until next May.
