Every woman in my immediate family has suffered abuse. My daughter, Jessica, was first catcalled at age 12 by workmen on a building site. She called me, and I felt angry, hurt, and disbelief that my little girl was already being sexually harassed. A few years later, a grown man approached her while she was looking at lip gloss in Superdrug. At 15, she was raped by a boy her age, her first kiss. I felt guilty, responsible, and heartbroken.
But it didn't stop there. At 16, my daughter was sexually assaulted in a shop by the owner. We filed a police report the same day, but it took officers over three months to check the CCTV. The investigation was shambolic, and due to lack of evidence, he was not charged. Recounting this pains me, but I cannot stay silent. My daughter is not yet 18, and she is the third generation of women in my family to experience sexual abuse.
My Own Story of Abuse
I was first sexually assaulted at age 10. A strange man grabbed me in the hall of our building, pulled down my tights and knickers, and touched me. When he tried to carry me to the cellars, I screamed, and he left. I told only my older sister. When I told my parents a year later, my stepmum blamed me, saying, 'Well, look what you're wearing.' I still remember my outfit: a black denim skirt just above my knees. My dad was in shock.
I was raped on my 16th birthday by a 'friend.' He only stopped when I pretended to be dead, as fighting and saying 'no' hadn't worked. I didn't tell anyone for years, blocking the emotions and carrying shame, guilt, and self-loathing.
My Mother's Story
My mother's story is similar. Just a year ago, my dad told me she had been raped as a young woman in the 80s, when I was about six months old. That experience changed her: she became depressed, left home, disappeared for years, and turned to alcohol. My parents separated when I was one, and divorced before I was four. I met my mum again at age 12. She died at 41. Her death felt preventable with the right support. My dad had felt he let her down by judging her when she told him.
I feel sad that the narrative around sexual violence has barely changed since my mother's generation. People still feel uncomfortable talking about abuse, victim-blame, or dismiss it. Family members have told me and my daughter to 'just let it go' and questioned why my daughter was alone when she was assaulted while shopping.
A Small Victory and Ongoing Struggles
When my daughter was catcalled at 13, I complained to the company running the building site. After reviewing CCTV, the two workers lost their jobs. It felt like a victory. But we have lost friends and distanced ourselves from family members who couldn't support us. As of March 2025, 6.3 million women have been raped or sexually assaulted since age 16. In 2024, fewer than 3 in 100 recorded rape cases resulted in a charge. It is the biggest but quietest miscarriage of justice.
It's soul-crushing to see my daughter's abusers walk free while she works to regain her confidence, joy, and trust. Therapy has helped me regain self-worth, but I refuse to be silent. My mum never had a chance to talk, and I owe it to her and myself to speak out.
I speak out for my daughter, who fights against patriarchy and never shies away from calling out abuse. I speak out for all women and girls who deserve to live free from abuse. Women deserve the same right as men to feel safe. For too many of us, that feels impossible.
