In a candid revelation, a journalist and mother-of-two has opened up about an 18-month hiatus from penetrative sex with her partner, describing it as a "shameful secret" that ultimately fortified their relationship. Ashley*, 31, met her partner David*, 28, in 2021, and despite a previously thriving sex life, the couple hasn't engaged in intercourse since discovering they were expecting their first child together in August 2024.
A Shift in Priorities
Ashley explains that the pause wasn't a deliberate choice but stemmed from a confluence of life events. "We just didn't feel like it when I was pregnant," she says. "We had so much going on at the time too, from family deaths to health struggles, it just wasn't a priority." Prior to this dry spell, the couple typically enjoyed sex once a week. While penetrative sex has been absent for over a year and a half, they have maintained intimacy through oral sex, with Ashley noting a spontaneous act a few months ago.
The Reality of Co-Sleeping and Parenting
The arrival of their nine-month-old son, John*, has introduced new dynamics. "99% of the time we co-sleep with our nine-month-old, who also doesn't go to nursery, so anything lasting longer than a few minutes is simply out of the question," Ashley adds. This practical constraint, coupled with the demands of parenting two children—including her 10-year-old son from a previous relationship—has reshaped their intimate moments.
Finding New Forms of Intimacy
Despite the lack of sex, Ashley emphasises that their relationship is "stronger than ever." They have cultivated new ways to connect, such as date nights twice a month where they cook meals for each other. "Now, we just find new ways to be intimate and romantic with each other," she shares. This emotional bond has become a cornerstone, with Ashley expressing confidence that their sex life will eventually return.
Navigating Postpartum Pressures
The couple faced societal expectations after childbirth, feeling pressure to resume sex at the six-week postpartum mark. However, an attempt left both feeling uneasy. "We actually had this awkward moment where we planned it, put the baby to sleep in another room, then we were kissing, but I felt really on edge listening out for the baby," Ashley recalls. When she voiced her discomfort, David admitted relief, sharing similar concerns about their baby's needs.
A Week in the Life: Balancing Chaos and Connection
Ashley's weekly diary reveals the juggling act of parenting, work, and personal struggles. From Zoom therapy sessions addressing self-worth and parenthood to managing job applications and children's activities, exhaustion is a constant. David's support, however, shines through—whether it's helping with night feeds or offering encouragement during low moments.
One evening, after a stressful day, Ashley had a good cry, feeling overwhelmed. "I don't feel very pretty but David tells me again how proud he is of me," she says. Such affirmations reinforce their bond, even when sex feels distant. On another day, David opened up about feeling emasculated due to financial strains and his role changes, prompting heartfelt conversations and reassurance from Ashley.
Small Moments of Attraction
Amid the chaos, sparks of attraction persist. When Ashley prepared for a professional event, David's admiration was palpable. "I can feel David undressing me with his eyes as I try on different looks," she notes. Later, he pulled her close, complimenting her new outfit and blow-dried hair. These gestures, though not leading to sex, keep the romantic flame alive.
Emotional Intimacy as the Foundation
Ashley reflects on the evolution of their relationship. "It's hard to feel sexy when you're so busy and tired all the time, but it's not hard to feel attracted to the man who supports you and raises you up," she says. The couple has learned to prioritise emotional connection and shared interests, like family meals out, even driving an hour to Wales for quality time.
She concludes, "Our sex life may be on hold but our love life is stronger than ever. I think we understand each other more intimately even with our clothes on, getting down and dirty at the changing station, rather than in the bedroom." This journey highlights how challenges can deepen partnership, proving that intimacy extends far beyond the bedroom.
