Sexual Assault by 90-Year-Old Mentor: Victim's Story of Freezing and Betrayal
I had always believed that if I were ever sexually assaulted, I would confront or challenge the perpetrator immediately. When it actually happened to me, I completely froze. I did not shout—I couldn't even speak. In the moments afterward, this 90-something-year-old man, someone I had viewed as a wise, trustworthy mentor, smiled at me with an incredibly smug expression and caressed his lips with his tongue like a lizard, as if relishing every second of my discomfort. That's when I knew the situation was sinister. It felt serial, a routine act following a pattern. I wasn't the first victim, and I wouldn't be the last.
The Assault Incident
I was assaulted five years ago. During lockdown, while stuck at home like the rest of the country, it dawned on me that life is not a dress rehearsal. I had fallen in love with acting at age five. For years, I intended to train in Los Angeles with a renowned teacher, but due to career reasons, it was always postponed. A few years ago, the urgency hit me: I couldn't keep delaying something so important. Knowing the acting teacher I admired was elderly made the decision clearer—if I didn't act now, the opportunity might vanish forever.
I reached out to him. For weeks, my emails went unanswered, and I worried I had left it too late. Then, unexpectedly, his assistant replied, inviting me to six private lessons. Without hesitation, I booked a flight to LA. I believed I would learn something unique and timeless about acting. I saw his age as a plus—he was accomplished, and I felt I would be in the presence of someone special.
The Shocking Event
On the first day, I met the teacher and his assistant, and we entered the studio after hours, with no other lessons taking place. The initial part of the session was normal: he introduced straightforward acting concepts and exercises involving observation and memory. His behavior seemed completely appropriate.
Near the end, in a kindly tone, he introduced a new exercise. He nodded quietly and ordered me to close my eyes and say his name the moment something happened. I stood there, eyes closed and waiting—when suddenly his hand shot down, hard and fast, straight inside my jumper.
His assistant, a man in his 30s, was present the entire time and witnessed everything. When I opened my eyes, I looked to him for help, but he simply looked away, indicating complicity in the abuse. I was as shocked by his indifference as by the assault itself. Ironically, I felt too embarrassed to confront the teacher about his humiliating act. Looking back, his stature and the presence of another person might have contributed to my lack of reaction. It was also confusing that the sexual abuse was inconspicuously embedded into an exercise.
Aftermath and Emotional Turmoil
The teacher suggested I join another class the following week. I had no intention of accepting, fearing what he might do next. But, still in shock, I proceeded to pay him in cash, which he accepted. Once I left, the reality of what happened hit me, and I burst into tears. I felt deeply betrayed and increasingly angry that he got away with it so easily. I kept asking myself why I hadn't spoken up, and I couldn't believe I had paid him after the assault. I was upset with myself for not being tougher or braver.
The image I had of him as a wise mentor made the experience feel even more violating. He was well-respected, with an impressive career, and had even mentioned his wife during the session—these factors made his behavior all the more incomprehensible and disturbing. I later considered whether older men's behavior is shaped by their age and experiences from a different era, but growing up in a 'different time' is never an excuse for sexual assault.
Sharing the Story and Broader Impact
I didn't attend more sessions but stayed in LA for another month before returning home. A week later, I received an email asking why I missed the second lesson. I was shocked by his audacity to assume I would return after what happened. My distress quickly turned to anger. I told my family immediately and, once home, felt compelled to share my story to understand it better. Occasionally, I would bring it up if something triggered the memory.
I was shocked at how many people I spoke to had also experienced some form of sexual abuse at some point in their lives. What struck me most was that they only felt able to share their experiences because I had shared mine first. Such experiences are far more common than I realized, but they often remain hidden due to shame and fear.
Call for Education and Awareness
In my opinion, the education system should take a more active role in addressing sexual abuse. We need to explicitly teach both men and women about consent, respect, boundaries, and accountability. I want people to know that freezing in these situations can happen; shock can paralyze even the most confident person, so do not blame yourself for not reacting as you always imagined. What matters is refusing to carry the shame that belongs to the perpetrator, regardless of their age or status.
If men feel confident to assault women, it often means they assume their actions will go unchallenged or unpunished. By speaking out, we can challenge this assumption and support survivors in breaking the silence.
