A reader writes to Annalisa Barbieri about the conflict between supporting her husband's weight loss journey and protecting her own mental health. Her husband has successfully used drugs, diet, and exercise to lose weight, and she is proud of him. However, his daily focus on calories, workouts, and shrinking clothes triggers her lifelong struggles with anorexia and bulimia. She pretends to be fine to avoid dampening his spirits, but feels overwhelmed and fears being replaced as she ages.
Expert Advice
Annalisa Barbieri consulted Beat, a UK eating disorders charity, for guidance. The charity emphasizes that while the husband's achievements are commendable, they should not come at the cost of the reader's well-being. The prevalence of weight loss drugs and misinformation can be particularly triggering.
Communicating with Your Partner
It may help to direct the husband to Beat's helpline, where a third party can explain how to support someone with an eating disorder. This approach can make the conversation less personal and avoid accusations of raining on his parade. As a Beat spokesperson says, 'Your husband's role isn't to be a professional, but to be understanding and hear the impact it's having on you.'
Seeking Therapy
The reader is encouraged to resume searching for a therapist, despite past difficulties. Beat offers a helpfinder to connect individuals with support in person, online, or by phone. Therapy can provide a safe space to discuss feelings, including the fear of being replaced, and help the reader communicate more effectively with her husband.
Shared Interests
Finding a shared interest outside of food and weight could help bridge the gap between the couple. Additionally, the husband should examine whether his own relationship with weight might be unhealthy, which could further destabilize the reader.
Resources
In the UK, Beat can be contacted at 0808 801 0677. In the US, help is available at nationaleatingdisorders.org or by calling ANAD's hotline at 800 375 7767. In Australia, the Butterfly Foundation is at 1800 33 4673. Other international helplines can be found at Eating Disorder Hope.
