A woman has spoken out about enduring nearly 20 years of financial and coercive abuse from her husband, describing how he systematically stripped her of independence and self-worth. The survivor, who wishes to remain anonymous, said she was in excruciating pain and on the verge of a breakdown after caring for her husband's elderly mother, which left her physically injured.
The Hidden Control
Although she understood that she had been subjected to coercive and financial control throughout her marriage, she admitted to being in denial. With children involved, she often sacrificed her own wellbeing to maintain a stable home. However, she now realizes this helped no one.
The abuse began early in the marriage when she helped her husband, Junaid (name changed), advance his career while raising their two children. She stopped working to focus on the family, but Junaid's control increased over time. They never had a joint account; instead, she had to track every expense and claim it back, making her feel like an employee.
Financial Dependence
Junaid, a high earner, ensured she had no financial security. He bought houses with her help but never put them in her name. She had to use her own savings or child benefits for children's expenses, which caused constant anxiety. Small comments and actions accumulated, making her feel trapped.
He criticized her weight, housekeeping, and choices, often saying she should be grateful. When she voiced objections, he promised to change but never did. Her lack of understanding about her rights in Islam also played a role, as she believed she had to be devoted to him and his family.
Breaking Point
The final confrontation over caring for his mother led her to realize she had to leave. When she asked for a divorce, Junaid refused and remains in denial. Unable to afford to move out, she is stuck in a stalemate in the family home.
She urges Muslim women to speak up about financial and coercive control, emphasizing that such behavior contradicts Islamic principles. Despite nearly 20 years of marriage and contributing to his career and property portfolio, she fears she will leave with nothing.
If you are experiencing domestic abuse, you are not alone. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) is open 24/7. In an emergency, call 999.
