For many mothers, the idea of another woman breastfeeding their child is unthinkable. However, for Abbi Warden, it became a necessary step to ensure her daughter's health, despite initial hesitations.
A Difficult Decision
The 30-year-old mother of three admits, 'The idea made me a bit uncomfortable. But when it comes to your baby's health, you have to leave your feelings at the door.' Abbi faced this situation six months after giving birth when she was hospitalized and unable to feed her child. She had undergone specialist surgery for an abdominal hernia, a complication from her C-section, and was on medication that prevented breastfeeding. To compound the problem, her baby refused to take a bottle.
After hours of unsuccessful attempts to feed her daughter, Abbi reached out to her sister-in-law, Rebecca Harman, for help. She is now 'so grateful' for what followed.
A Sister-in-Law's Selfless Act
Abbi, a chief operating officer at a content creation company, recalls: 'After the surgery, my fiancé told me my daughter hadn't taken much milk. I remembered Rebecca had once said, "If you ever need me, I'll be your wet nurse." So when the 24-hour mark rolled around since my baby had last eaten, I called her.'
Rebecca, 37, did not hesitate. She breastfed Abbi's baby for three days while also nursing her own child. 'Not only did she feed my baby, but she also offered to co-sleep with her for the rest of my nights in the hospital, to allow me to recover longer,' Abbi says.
Overcoming Insecurities
Abbi admits to having doubts: 'I did wonder, would my daughter want to feed with me again after? Would she prefer my sister-in-law? The thoughts of "I'm not enough" do creep into your head – but this wasn't about me, it was about my daughter.' Fortunately, those negative feelings faded once she returned home and resumed breastfeeding normally. Now, she feels only gratitude for Rebecca's selfless act.
What Is a Wet Nurse?
A wet nurse is a woman who breastfeeds and cares for another person's child, often because the mother is unable to do so or has died. Historically, it was a profession but declined as formula became widely available.
'What Rebecca did for me was such a huge blessing. I'm so grateful,' Abbi says. 'If she hadn't offered, I might not have felt comfortable asking. Maybe I'd never even have thought to ask. I realise that when people say it takes a village to raise a child, this is what they mean. When all our options had failed, and my daughter needed to eat, she stepped in. It was a beautiful, selfless thing.'
A Bond Strengthened
Rebecca agrees that it felt 'very special' to help and be trusted. The mother of three and coffee shop owner says the idea of being a wet nurse came from her grandmother, who had been one. 'I thought it was weird growing up, but then leading up to Abbi's surgery, I planted the seed. I prepared myself in case she needed me – and even cancelled our spring break holiday – but I just let them come to me and make the decision for themselves. I wanted to do it, and I knew I wouldn't let them down.'
The experience has brought the pair closer, and Abbi loves that Rebecca now shares an 'incredible bond' with her daughter.
A Message of Support
The women shared their story on social media, expecting mixed reactions, but were surprised by the flood of supportive messages from other women. Rebecca notes, 'In a day and age where women are working and having kids too, there's a lot of responsibility on women. There's this feeling you have to do it all, and like you're not good enough. But you can ask for help – it's ok to be a woman, and embrace that, and ask for help.'
Abbi adds, 'It's a prime example of women supporting each other and just being wonderful. When we show up for each other, we can do so much more.'
