A 2016 study estimated that more than one in five single adults engage in consensual nonmonogamy at some point. Now, polyamorous Americans are celebrating new laws that establish their 'inherent worth and dignity.' Portland is the latest US city to codify polyamorous rights in housing, jobs, and public spaces, and more cities could follow.
A Personal Story of Relief
Amy Nash-Kille knows that not everyone would choose a polyamorous family like hers, but she calls it the greatest blessing of her life. For 17 years, she has been in a committed relationship with two men, sharing the costs and responsibilities of raising four children. However, she concealed her family arrangement from her graduate school adviser, co-workers, and even her hairdresser. After someone harassed her family for more than a year, she obtained a restraining order and moved from a Colorado suburb to Portland, Oregon, in 2011.
In March, Portland became the largest US city to pass an ordinance protecting polyamorous people and multipartnered households from discrimination in housing, jobs, and public accommodation. For Nash-Kille and her partners, it was one of the greatest relief moments of their lives. 'People are still going to judge what they don't understand,' she said, 'but the new law is helping to establish the inherent worth and dignity of people who have unusual family configurations when considered by society at large.'
A Growing Movement
Portland's ordinance is part of a recent wave of cities, including West Hollywood and Olympia, Washington, extending civil rights protections to those in nontraditional family or romantic arrangements. Eight cities across Massachusetts and the West Coast now have some form of legal recognition of polyamorous relationships. These efforts signal the emergence of a stigmatized group as a political constituency and challenge the legal dominance of the traditional nuclear family, which has become the exception rather than the rule.
In 1970, about two-thirds of Americans aged 25 to 49 lived with a spouse and at least one child, according to the Pew Research Center. Over the next five decades, that figure dropped to 37%. Diana Adams, an attorney who heads the Chosen Family Law Center and helped write ordinances in Massachusetts, said, 'I'd like to get the government out of the business of evaluating our personal relationships.' Their bigger goal is not marriage for polyamorous people but unbundling rights and benefits tied to institutions that favor traditional relationships, including taxes, health insurance, and hospital visitation.
From Lifestyle Oddity to Movement
Brett Chamberlin, executive director of the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy (Open), said polyamorous people are moving from being viewed as a lifestyle oddity to organizing into a movement. Efforts are under way for more ordinances in cities like Seattle, Eugene, Astoria, and Hazel Park near Detroit. Chamberlin hopes this will create a tipping point for state and federal protections.
Visibility and Stigma
While there are no definitive counts of polyamorous people in the US, they have become steadily more visible. A 2016 study estimated that more than one in five single adults engage in consensual nonmonogamy at some point, and other studies suggest 4-5% of people are currently in such relationships. 'If you're in an office of 100 people, there is almost guaranteed to be at least one person who is not monogamous,' Chamberlin said. 'The question is, is it a safe enough environment where they feel comfortable sharing?'
Philip Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, noted that the US had a compulsory marriage system in the 1950s and 1960s, which he called an anomalous period. 'The norms are weakening, and the natural variation in what people want is being allowed to come out.' However, greater visibility has not always brought acceptance. Open's 2024 survey found that 60% of nonmonogamous individuals experienced stigma or discrimination in healthcare, child custody, or family acceptance. Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, a sociologist, said she has seen significant judicial bias against polyamorous people in custody fights.
Personal Perspectives
Skylar Cruz, a 33-year-old transgender programmer in Portland, recalled her group chats lighting up with supportive messages after the ordinance passed. She has been in a polyamorous relationship for about a year, adding a trans woman to her relationship with her male partner of six years. Aside from intrusive questions and negative reactions, she has not faced systemic discrimination. Now, she and both partners are considering moving in together. 'I feel like we're at a crossroads in a lot of our political values here in the US,' she said. 'We ultimately have to decide whether or not people are worth protecting for being different.'
Beyond the Nuclear Family
In 2020, Somerville, Massachusetts, became the first city to recognize polyamorous rights by creating a domestic partner registry, later replicated in Cambridge and Arlington. The registry has no residency requirement and is open to people in relationships of mutual support, caring, and commitment, granting hospital visits and other limited rights. Diana Adams said the registry helps people form chosen families, benefiting situations like the Golden Girls, where older widows participate in each other's medical decisions. Domestic partnerships still lack many marriage benefits, such as immigration status or federal taxes, but offer stability to most Americans living outside traditional nuclear families.
In Washington, activists are pushing for 'Indigo's Law,' named after a Seattle transgender woman whose remains were transferred to her unsupportive family instead of her fiancée. The proposed legislation would make it easier for unmarried people to give chosen family control over remains and funeral arrangements.
Challenges Ahead
Despite recent momentum, hurdles remain. Seattle's city council has not yet introduced a proposed ordinance, partly due to political concerns. Jessa Davis, incoming executive director of Open, said Olympia was easier because it is smaller and has a supportive council not exposed to national political pressures. Councilors in larger cities have privately expressed concern that polyamory protections could draw the ire of the Trump administration. Conservative talk radio hosts have criticized the Portland and Olympia ordinances, but Davis shrugged it off, noting that most people will conclude polyamory is not hurting them.
Chamberlin, outgoing head of Open, said many conservative, white, and older red-state residents engage in nonmonogamy. He noted that while nonmonogamy is often associated with liberal coastal elites, he knows swingers club owners who are Trump supporters. A chief difficulty is the complexity of family law, which varies by state and extends to mortgages and sick leave. For now, Cruz is considering the future. 'I've got probably 50, 60 years left,' she said. 'In that time, I want to ensure that not only are we not being discriminated against, but that we are moving towards being seen as more ordinary, more common, more accepted.'
