A 21-year-old reader, anxious about the future, writes to advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith for guidance on balancing personal dreams with self-care without retreating into a bubble. The reader expresses worries about job prospects, finding a respectful partner, homeownership, climate change, and global politics, despite working hard toward becoming a writer and artist.
Facing Problems Instead of Retreating
Gordon-Smith challenges the common advice to 'not think about it' or 'focus on what you can control,' calling it a 'lie sold by people who want us to consider epsom salts a form of resistance.' She argues that true self-care comes from facing problems head-on and fighting them, rather than retreating. 'The struggle is the route to the comfort,' she writes, comparing it to overwhelming to-do lists where starting the task brings relief.
Engaging with Others
She encourages the reader to connect with others who share similar concerns about housing insecurity, job instability, and environmental issues. 'There is a really special kind of relief available when you find other people to fight and think about these things with,' Gordon-Smith says. This engagement can make one feel 'awake' and 'seen,' even if outcomes are uncertain.
Gordon-Smith quotes philosopher John Dewey: 'The cure for democracy is more democracy,' and applies it to personal struggle. 'The cure for struggle is more struggle,' she asserts. While acknowledging a 'despair tax' on serious engagement, she insists that living in a bubble is not self-care. 'The genuine relief comes from turning, facing and fighting.'
She advises expanding what one can control and thinking more deeply about problems, rather than avoiding them. This approach, she believes, leads to bravery, strength, and authenticity.
