A woman has confessed to a six-month secret sexual relationship with a female friend, all while her long-term boyfriend remains completely unaware of her double life.
The Secret Double Life
The 26-year-old reader, who has only ever dated men, wrote to Metro's Sex Column with her dilemma. She has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for three years and they have discussed future marriage plans. However, her life took an unexpected turn last summer after joining a new gym.
She signed up for aqua aerobics and struck up a friendship with another woman around her age. The pair began having coffee after class. The new friend was openly gay and had recently ended a long-term relationship. They discovered shared interests in music, art galleries, and fashion.
"At first, I felt like I’d just found a best friend," the reader explained. But the dynamic shifted about six weeks after they met, when she was invited to the friend's flat for dinner.
A Turning Point at Dinner
The woman admitted that getting ready for the evening "felt like I was getting dressed up for a date." She made extra effort with her hair and makeup, wore matching underwear, and had butterflies in her stomach. "It’s like I knew what was going to happen," she wrote.
Her instincts were correct. After a lovely evening with plenty to drink, one thing led to another. She described the ensuing sexual encounter as "sex like I’ve never known." That was the start of a clandestine affair that has now lasted for half a year.
"I’ve now been having a secret affair with her for six months and think about her all the time," she revealed. The situation has caused tension in her primary relationship, with her boyfriend suspecting something is wrong and accusing her of seeing another man—an accusation she has denied.
Expert Advice: Cheating is Cheating
Sex columnist and counsellor Laura Collins, who has 30 years of experience, responded to the dilemma. She was unequivocal in her assessment, stating that "cheating is cheating, no matter who it’s with."
Collins highlighted the unfairness of the situation, not only to the boyfriend but also to the woman herself. "This double life you’re leading is preventing you from working out who you really are," she advised. She urged the reader to look beyond labels of gay or straight and focus on the emotional reality of thinking about the other woman "all the time."
The columnist suggested that upbringing or internalised pressures might be causing the woman to cling to the semi-relationship with her boyfriend while exploring her sexuality in secret. She recommended professional therapy to "winkle out the truth."
Collins emphasised that marriage is a complete commitment and it does not sound like the reader is ready for that. Her firm advice was to be honest with her boyfriend and end the relationship. "As much as it might hurt him, it’ll hurt much more in the future when he discovers you’re cheating – as he’s sure to eventually do," she concluded.
The dilemma was published in the column on January 3, 2026. Readers with their own sex or dating problems can contact Laura Collins at Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
