The Reading Glasses Debate: A Sign of Ageing Denial Among Friends
In the middle of my 20s, a fierce debate erupted among the men in my circle: if one went bald, did it make them all look old? And if so, did that create a moral obligation for the first bald man to use Regaine? The practical questions, like whether Regaine actually worked, faded into the background, much like how Brexit discussions often ignored practicalities once someone mentioned sovereignty. I can't recall how that baldness debate ended because, over about 25 years, nearly everyone went bald, except for those who defiantly did not.
Shifting Battlegrounds: From Baldness to Reading Glasses
Now in our 50s, the battleground has shifted to reading glasses. Everyone has a subtly but importantly different version of the etiquette surrounding them. One friend despises it when people never quite take their glasses off, instead sliding them to the top of their head. She sees this as more than physical laziness; it's the beginning of entropy, akin to eating with your hands or using a sink inappropriately. In contrast, I love wearing my glasses on my head because it either helps me keep track of them or leads to the amusing scenario where I forget they're there and wear another pair on my face, creating a win-win situation.
Personal Preferences and Hidden Meanings
However, I have my own pet peeve: I hate it when people wear glasses around their neck on a chain. To me, this signals that my days of adornment are over. From now on, anything I hang off myself will be strictly utilitarian, and soon I might add a hammer, a big bunch of keys, and a miniature spirit level, preparing for anything except the high life. My school friend abhors all visible eyewear and can't understand why everyone doesn't opt for varifocal contact lenses, seeing them as a more discreet solution.
The Social Dynamics of Glasses Theft and Vanity
Another friend dislikes any attachment to glasses because it prevents him from stealing them, which he does constantly. Often, the only way to retrieve them is by following the sound of him shouting, Are these a THREE POINT FIVE? Meanwhile, another friend refuses to wear anything out of vanity, setting the font on his phone so large that I have accidentally read every text he's received over the past five years, one giant word at a time.
Conclusion: No Youthful Fix, Just Acceptance
Ultimately, there's no glasses fix that makes any of us look younger, except perhaps when we all lose them at the same time; then, we might all look 25 again. This debate over reading glasses etiquette reveals deeper issues about ageing, denial, and how we navigate visibility in our later years. It's a humorous yet poignant reminder that as we age, our battles shift from baldness to bifocals, each with its own set of social rules and personal quirks.
