As we settle into January 2026, many of us are working on new year's resolutions, from fitness goals to learning new skills. But for those aiming to fortify their most important partnership, a leading expert has pinpointed one surprisingly simple yet profoundly effective change to focus on.
The Power of Looking Inward
According to Jonathan Eddie, a counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in couples therapy, the cornerstone of becoming a better partner isn't about changing your spouse—it's about deepening your own self-awareness. Speaking to Metro in early January 2026, Eddie emphasised that understanding your own triggers and emotional responses can dramatically reduce reactive behaviour and built-up resentment within a marriage.
He explains that many of our deeply held emotional reactions are not based on absolute truth, but on beliefs formed unconsciously during our formative years. "Those things that affect us on a deeply emotional level are not necessarily true; they're beliefs we've unconsciously constructed about ourselves," Eddie states.
How Core Beliefs Shape Your Relationship
Eddie references the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) concept of Core Beliefs—fundamental ideas about ourselves, often rooted in childhood, that we accept as fact. A common negative example is the belief that one is "not good enough."
In a relationship, this core belief can easily be triggered. "When our partner says, 'Did you forget to pick up milk on the way home,' the person who carries around that sense of not-good-enough might feel judged or criticised, and might respond with resentment or anger," Eddie illustrates. Conversely, someone without that belief might simply apologise and move on.
The key, he argues, is to recognise that pang of unease as a "warning flag" to look inward and soothe yourself, rather than as a cue for conflict. With greater awareness, we can challenge these automatic beliefs when they surface.
Practical Steps Towards Greater Self-Awareness
So, how can couples begin this work in 2026? While therapy is an excellent route, Eddie highlights a wealth of free resources available online and in books for those not ready for that step.
He suggests two practical starting points:
- Take a Love Languages test together. This can illuminate how you and your partner give and receive love differently, fostering positive discussion about each other's needs.
- Explore your Attachment Style. Understanding how your early caregiving experiences shape your adult relationship behaviours is powerful. Eddie notes it's common for couples to have different insecure attachment styles, which can pull them apart during stress. "Knowledge is power here. You can take an attachment style test and learn about what you and your partner might need to feel soothed when triggered," he advises.
He also recommends expert books from authors like the Gottmans and Esther Perel for deeper insight.
The ultimate message for the new year is empowering: "The bottom line is, a better you is better able to cope with the stresses that all relationships must face, and a better you makes for a better partner." This small shift in focus from your partner to yourself could be the most significant relationship resolution you make in 2026.
