The 'Competence Hangover': When Overwork and Underappreciation Drain Women at Work
Are you feeling bone-deep exhaustion, struggling to cope with daily demands? Do symptoms like insomnia, headaches, irritability, emotional flatness, and a constant sense of being "on" sound all too familiar? In today's fast-paced world, especially as we navigate 2026, these signs are common, but they may also point to a specific condition known as a "competence hangover." This term, highlighted in a recent Grazia article, describes what many women in the workplace are experiencing: a state of depletion from taking on extra responsibilities, over-delivering, handling emotional labor, and being the go-to person for tasks like bringing the office birthday cake. It's that person to whom colleagues complacently say, "What would we do without you?!"—a phrase that masks underlying issues of overwork and underappreciation.
The Domestic and Professional Burden on Women
This story is not new in the domestic sphere, where women often shoulder disproportionate responsibilities along with a heavy mental load. At work, multiple surveys and reports in recent years indicate that women are more likely to burn out, with the "competence hangover" serving as a lighter version of full-blown burnout. A significant factor is the difficulty in balancing domestic burdens with professional obligations. Additional pressures exacerbate the situation: a 2024 study found that women's extra hours are rewarded less than men's; presenteeism penalizes women who work efficiently by completing tasks in fewer hours; and women lack the "status shield" that men enjoy, making them more vulnerable to negative emotions and perceptions. No wonder McKinsey's 2025 Women in the Workplace report suggested, for the first time, that "women are less interested in being promoted than men," reflecting a growing disillusionment with workplace dynamics.
The Universal Seduction and Trap of Competence
While women are particularly affected, the allure of competence can be universal—because competence is truly wonderful. In personal relationships, it's delightful and relaxing to rely on someone competent, like a partner who swiftly installs a TV or rigs up a stereo system. However, competence often becomes a hard habit to break. Competence and conscientiousness go hand in hand, leading effective individuals of all genders in the workplace to become overburdened. Being a safe pair of hands can become exhaustingly habitual, creating a real problem for mental health and productivity.
Root Causes and Psychological Insights
The drive to over-perform can stem from rational fears, such as job security in a tough economy, or deeper desires to please and achieve perfection. Psychologist Dr. Audrey Tang, who contributed to the Grazia article, notes the psychologically unhelpful sensation of being "soothed" by busyness. In a new French book, Ciao les nazes (Ciao, losers), writer Séverine Bavon, a former super employee who gave 120%, describes an internal voice constantly pushing her to take on more—she eventually quit, hence the book's title. This highlights how workplace culture can fuel unhealthy habits.
Solutions and the Role of 'Incompetent Slackers'
To protect the heroically competent from crashing out, we must find ways to prevent these hangovers. Dr. Tang suggests a mindset shift: "unlearning the belief that your value is tied to what you produce and how you solve things." While this makes sense, it can feel like more work for those already stretched thin. Perhaps those of us who are less competent—the so-called "incompetent slackers"—can help. For example, by not volunteering to take notes in meetings, framing it as a feminist act to break gender stereotypes, or by learning to ask for help with tasks like using a photocopier, saying, "You're so brilliant at it! I'll just mess it up!" Ultimately, the best solution is for everyone to step up and share responsibilities, easing the burden on the overstretched and supporting a healthier workplace environment.
