Stacey Hussell, a mother from the UK, has opened up about her fears that her son Dylan will be bullied for his cleft lip and palate, just as she was during her own childhood. Speaking exclusively to us, she described the moment during her 20-week scan in October 2021 when the sonographer confirmed that her unborn son had a cleft.
A Childhood of Cruelty
Stacey was born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate, a condition that left a gap in her upper lip, the base of her nose, gum, and palate on one side of her mouth. While she was happy and confident as a young child, the bullying began towards the end of primary school. By secondary school, it was 'pure hell.' Children would call her a 'bulldog' because of her underbite and imitate her appearance with gestures.
'Growing up, I never thought I'd have a boyfriend. I just assumed I wasn't pretty enough,' she recalls. It wasn't until she met her husband on a dating app in 2014 that she began to feel more comfortable with her appearance. Even then, she struggled to believe she was good enough. The first time she genuinely felt pretty was on her wedding day.
The Shock of Diagnosis
When Stacey learned that Dylan would also have a cleft, her fears came flooding back. The day after the scan, doctors also discovered that Dylan might have only one kidney. They suggested that the combination of anomalies could indicate a serious syndrome and strongly encouraged her to consider terminating the pregnancy. But Stacey and her husband refused.
'There was no way we wanted to consider that,' she says. After researching the potential syndromes online, they were terrified. However, Dylan was born without any additional conditions, and it turned out he has two kidneys, both on the same side.
A Beautiful Baby
When Dylan was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate, affecting both sides of his mouth, lips, and nose, Stacey's first thought was: 'Oh my God, he's beautiful.' But the fear soon crept in. She knew he would need multiple surgeries for breathing, feeding, and speech. So far, Dylan has had three surgeries—two on his lip and one on his palate. His next surgery, a bone graft from his hip to his gum, is expected when he is around six years old.
The Fear of Bullying
'Of course the surgery is a worry, but I worry about the potential bullying, too,' Stacey admits. She notes that there is still a stigma around visible differences, even in children's TV shows where villains often have facial scars. 'Children are cruel. When you've got something like a cleft lip and palate, it's just out there for the world to see. There's no hiding it.'
Her biggest fear is social media and online bullying. To combat this, she has vowed to fill Dylan with confidence. 'We talk to him about differences and give him positive affirmations: 'You are strong; you are brave; you are handsome; you are clever.'' He also receives speech therapy to help with pronunciation.
A Mother's Mission
Despite the challenges, Dylan is a happy little boy. Recently, he started looking at baby photos and saying, 'I don't like my nose, I've got a silly nose.' Stacey responds by telling him, 'You were born with a special smile.'
Stacey hopes to maintain an open relationship with Dylan so that if he is bullied, he knows he can come to her. She is also raising awareness through her project Changing Smiles, photographing 700 people born with a cleft lip and palate to change how they are represented. 'No child should ever be bullied into thinking they're not good enough,' she says.
As told to Izzie Price. Do you have a story to share? Email Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk.
