Former rugby player James Haskell, 41, revealed this week that his time on Celebs Go Dating led him to identify as 'probably a sapiosexual.' In an interview with the Daily Star, Haskell said: 'It's all about someone's brain. I like people who can challenge me, who have something about them.' He added that intelligence and confidence are the traits he finds most attractive, even joking that he's 'not the sharpest tool in the box.'
What does it mean to be sapiosexual?
To be sapiosexual—also known as a sapiophile—is to be sexually or romantically attracted primarily to intelligent people. Some consider it their primary orientation, while others see it as a preference that complements labels like gay, straight, or bisexual. Psychologist Dr. Candice O'Neil told Metro: 'Sapiosexual people often seek shared curiosity, philosophical debate and deep values in partners who are curious about the world and themselves.' According to the Ontic Psychology founder, 'highly intelligent and worldly individuals' are most likely to identify this way, as they prioritize 'cognitive attunement, intentionality and thoughtful engagement with the world and their relationships.'
Criticism and potential pitfalls
Because intelligence is subjective, what sapiosexuality looks like in practice varies widely—from 'scintillating conversation is a turn-on' to 'I only date people with PhDs.' The latter group has been criticized as 'elitist' by some, who say the term can foster a sense of superiority. Dr. O'Neil also warns that identifying as sapiosexual may 'lead to unintended pressure to be highly engaged in deep dialogue, sharp wit and ready for mentally stimulating conversations.' On the positive side, she notes it can 'reduce pressure to conform to physical ideals' and 'create a solid foundation of meaning, purpose, discovery and fulfilment.'
Difference between sapiosexual and demisexual
Both sapiosexuality and demisexuality focus on non-physical elements of desire, but they are distinct. Sapiosexuals are aroused by wit and knowledge above all else, while demisexuals need emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. It is possible to identify with both terms, and they can overlap with other orientations, but they should not be used interchangeably. As Kathleen Clark, chief learning officer at Identiversity, explained to PsychCentral, definitions for these identities can 'shift over time' and 'differ somewhat from one individual to the next.'
