A Reddit discussion has revealed a stark divide between men and women when it comes to vocal expressions of pleasure during sex. While many women report being highly aroused by their partner's moans, a significant number of men admit feeling embarrassed, awkward, or even emasculated by making noise in the bedroom.
Women crave vocal feedback from partners
In multiple Reddit threads, women have shared that hearing a man moan is a major turn-on. One user confessed that it 'turns me on and gives me butterflies,' while another, @sufficient_video, wrote: 'As a woman, I NEED more men moaning during sex. I need to know you are feeling it!' The sentiment was echoed by @CityLightsTakeMeHome, who said: 'I like to hear how much he wants me when he moans.' Another woman elaborated: 'I like hearing the feedback from what we're doing — his breathing getting heavier, the groans and even the sound the bed makes as sex progresses.'
Men cite embarrassment and cultural conditioning
On the subreddit r/TooAfraidToAsk, one man responded to the question 'why don't men moan during sex?' by saying he felt 'weird' making noises. A commenter called it 'embarrassing,' while @_Richter_Belmont_ wrote: 'I think it's viewed as feminine, or submissive in a sense. I think men are also concerned with being “good” and might view their own moaning as awkward or off-putting.' Another user, @ptolani, added: 'A lot of what we men are doing in bed involves self-control. Getting it up, keeping it up, not cumming too soon, not taking too long to cum. It's natural to control sound as well.'
Sexologist explains the benefits of moaning
Becky Crepsley-Fox, a sexologist and relationship psychotherapist, told Metro: 'Moaning is one of the most underrated parts of sex — and I'd argue one of the most important. It's a way of telling your partner what's working and what isn't, without either of you having to stop and break the moment to talk about it. For a lot of people, knowing their partner is enjoying themselves is a powerful aphrodisiac.' She explained that women often carry anxiety about whether their partner is enjoying sex, and moans provide real-time reassurance. 'Beyond the practical, moaning can deepen a couple's connection,' she continued. 'There's something profoundly vulnerable about letting someone see you in a moment of pleasure — losing a little control in front of them.'
Cultural and porn influences keep men quiet
Crepsley-Fox noted that men are often conditioned to suppress emotions, which extends to sexual expression. 'Men, in my experience, are the ones who most often hold back. We've taught men to suppress their emotions in nearly every direction, and moaning is no exception. If a man's grown up being told he shouldn't cry, it's a stretch to expect he'll feel free to moan.' She also pointed to mainstream heterosexual porn as a factor: 'Porn has largely been made with a male viewer in mind, which is why the woman's pleasure and vocalisation tend to be turned right up while the man's stays minimal — it lets the viewer imagine they're the one giving her that pleasure. A man moaning loudly would get in the way of that fantasy. So we've all absorbed, from two directions at once, the idea that moaning is a female thing and men are meant to stay quiet.'
Overcoming the hesitation
To help men feel more comfortable vocalising, Crepsley-Fox recommends open communication. 'If you're a man who hesitates — worried your noises might be off-putting – my advice is to say exactly that to your partner. I'd put money on the response being some version of “I'd love it if you did.” Partners want that feedback loop; hearing you enjoy yourself is a turn-on for them.'
