Paul Daley, a Guardian Australia columnist, has had a fraught relationship with social media, describing it as "at best ambivalent – and at worst deleterious." He has quit two platforms cold turkey, yet finds himself on the verge of abandoning another, as the scroll leaves him feeling "dead inside. Empty. Often angry."
Daley's confession comes amid growing concern over a global loneliness epidemic, which he argues is not an overstatement. He sees loneliness everywhere: in the faces of rough sleepers seeking eye contact, in commuters glued to screens on buses, and in drivers isolated in their cars on freeways.
Young people and hyper-connectivity
Academic research worldwide, including in Australia, indicates that young people are especially prone to loneliness and its dangerous repercussions for mental and physical health. Daley notes this may seem counterintuitive, as older cohorts face the deaths of partners and friends, or the prospect of living alone or in care. However, he argues that those up to age 25 are the generation of hyper-connectivity, developing reliance on phones and apps at a prodigiously early age.
Daley observes that hyper-connection, such as mistaking virtual friends for real ones, has led to a global state of emotional under-connection. He reflects on his own experience, having spent nearly 20 years alone in a room with his thoughts, research, and keyboard for eight to ten hours a day, yet only feeling lonely when tuned into social media.
The curated lives of others
Despite a successful and privileged life, Daley finds that his own experiences pale compared to the heavily curated, happiest, and most professionally successful lives in his feed. When he gets stuck in the scroll, isolation creeps in and loneliness takes grip.
He admits he is not a heavy user, which raises the question: if it affects him this way, what is it doing to more vulnerable people, especially children who are transported to unknown, potentially dangerous places online and become bored when offline?
Known harms and the paradox of staying
The harms of social media are well-documented, including algorithmic encouragement to suicide, dangerous dieting, and violent extremism as a way to "belong." Yet Daley acknowledges that something, perhaps FOMO or the chance to chat with like-minded communities, keeps him hanging on to a product that makes people he loathes more super-rich while they trash the world.
He challenges himself: what other highly addictive, malevolent product that encourages suicide and violence, especially in the young, and feeds on isolation and loneliness, would he keep subscribing to? The paradox is that the closer he gets to an unattainable analogue life, the further he feels from loneliness.
Finding connection offline
For Daley, being alone with a book, or better, a book and a dog, feels like a near-perfect state of connectivity. He also finds solace in communal spaces like museums, galleries, theatres, and libraries, where strangers share a silent, knowing connection. In real-life awe, with phones on silent, he feels momentarily e-disconnected.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is available at 13 11 14. International helplines can be found at befrienders.org. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 988, or chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741.
