TikToker @FashionablyDivorced has sparked debate by advising that if you've cheated on your spouse and they don't know, you shouldn't tell them. 'By letting them know, you're making them carry the burden of what you've done,' she says. 'It has the potential to completely destroy their psyche.'
Mixed Reactions Online
Reactions online were divided. One user, @clint, wrote: 'If you really love your partner, never tell.' However, others disagreed. @pocketrocket29 commented: 'You're wrong about this. You should tell them the truth and give them the option on fixing or leaving the relationship.'
Therapist's Key Question
Relationship therapist Dr Madeleine Roantree suggests there's no right or wrong approach, but advises asking one crucial question: 'Is this my information to share, or theirs to have?' She explains: 'Everyone agrees deception is bad in the abstract. What we disagree on is whether omission of a resolved, non-recurring event counts as deception at all.'
Why Some Say Keep It Hidden
Madeleine notes that the case for keeping secrets is often 'consequentialist.' 'If the affair was a one-off, is over, and the disclosure's only function is to transfer guilt rather than change anything going forward, some argue the harm of telling can outweigh the harm of not telling.' She compares it to taking office stationery and deciding not to mention it.
The Informed Choice Argument
Madeleine also acknowledges the opposing view: 'There's the argument that your partner can't make informed choices about their own life without accurate information. Choosing silence to preserve a relationship that couldn't survive the truth means the remaining relationship is being sustained by a lie.'
When to Confess
There's never a good time to confess, but Madeleine says it's reasonable to take time to think. 'People are allowed to think before they act. You don't want to minimise the devastating effect infidelity can have, but equally we need to remember we are all capable of doing bad things.'
