Parents have responded to a recent letter about the challenges of raising children who are not in employment, education or training (NEET), sharing their own experiences of grief, shame, and the need for better support systems.
Parent of neurodivergent teen highlights hidden development
One parent, whose neurodivergent late-teenager struggles with social communication, described the prospect of their child's entry into adulthood as "daunting" and "unsettling." They noted that while it is easy to compare their child to peers who have found work or relationships, these children often undergo a unique development. "My son has to deal with a world that must feel uncomfortable and hard to understand at times, but he does so with good humour and with consideration and respect for others," they wrote.
Family of two sons shares journey with counselling
Another parent, who wished to remain anonymous, revealed that they have two sons in their early 20s with vastly different life experiences. Their younger son is NEET and after six years of self-isolation is now engaging with a counsellor, which they pay for privately. "We have finally accepted that he may never become truly independent," they said. The family was fined for non-attendance at school and nearly faced court before the Covid-19 lockdowns. By sharing their story with friends, they uncovered the scale of the problem, which made them "feel slightly less alone." The counsellor provided an informal diagnosis that helped reduce tension at home. "The sense of relief this has brought is enormous, despite this being only a tiny step forward," they added.
Mother describes decade-long struggle with daughter's withdrawal
A third parent recounted that their daughter withdrew from mainstream education at age 13, 11 years ago. Despite enrolling with an educational charity and later a further education college, her engagement was short-lived. She now spends her days reading, gaming, and isolating herself. She sees an occupational therapist weekly, but enthusiasm for activities like baking bread fades quickly. "We are at our wits' end," the parent wrote.
Therapist calls for lifelong family support
Shauna M Faith-Crothers, a systemic family therapist with nearly 40 years of experience, highlighted the lack of acknowledgment that parenting is for life. She pointed out that when young people transition from child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS) to adult services at age 18, parents are often excluded from communications, sometimes with tragic consequences. "Our children are our children until the day we die," she wrote. "It should not be a taboo subject or a matter of shame that we need to invest in supporting families right across the life cycle."
