After a week of missed opportunities and busy family life, Melanie, a 45-year-old PR executive and mother of four, finally broke her summer sex drought with a spontaneous quickie in the back garden with her husband Ian. The couple, who have been married for years and met at university, typically have sex about once a week, but parenting often gets in the way of intimacy.
A week of near misses
Melanie's diary reveals a familiar struggle for many parents: finding time and energy for sex amidst school runs, work, and teenagers. On Monday, the family returned from a weekend in Brittany, where sharing two rooms with all six members meant intimacy was off the cards. The week followed a predictable pattern of work, dinner, and early nights, with no sexual activity from Monday to Friday.
Tuesday brought a glimmer of hope as their daughter finished exams and was home, but Melanie noted that summer holidays usually signal a dry spell. She admitted that if the drought stretches beyond two weeks, she and Ian start to bicker, and it noticeably affects Ian's mood. With older teenagers around, the chance of being walked in on makes intimacy nearly impossible.
Missed chances and a sports event
Wednesday presented a perfect opportunity: their son was working in London and their daughter was at a Sixth Form taster day, leaving the house empty. However, as Melanie confessed, they were so caught up in work that they forgot about the chance. She rationalised, 'We’ve been married long enough to know that sometimes, these opportunities pass us by — there’ll always be another one.'
Thursday, Melanie scored last-minute tickets to a sporting event and took a friend, returning at 10:30pm to find Ian had put the younger children to bed. Despite the potential for intimacy, Ian wanted to discuss the news of friends getting divorced. Their conversation revealed aligned views on separation, attributing the couple's split to a lack of humour and minimal connection. Melanie reflected, 'It’s rare for us to have such an unusually good chat... we have to practically diarise a deep conversation.' They went to bed happy, but without sex.
The garden quickie
Saturday brought a calmer day, and with the children inside watching a film, Melanie was sunbathing in her bikini at the bottom of the garden. After a gay friend joked 'never have sex sober,' she playfully told Ian he needed to ply her with wine to get her in the mood. Ian agreed that setting the mood with drinks could help, and Melanie, having indulged in a bottle of wine while tanning, felt the same.
She explained, 'In my experience men are much more visual than women, so after a week without sex, I think lying on the grass in a slinky bikini is just too tempting for Ian.' They had a quickie right there, missionary style, with the sun in her eyes. It was fairly romantic but short, as they worried about someone appearing. Melanie noted, 'It’s nice for sex to feel good, rather than be on a deadline and it feel like a chore.'
Reflections on intimacy and libido
Throughout the diary, Melanie is candid about her fluctuating libido, which depends on her mood, menstrual cycle, and alcohol. She admitted that during fertile periods she is more interested, and after a dinner party, it's more likely to happen. She also acknowledged that her husband has a higher libido, and while the frequency isn't ideal from his perspective, they manage with humour and understanding.
Sunday saw Melanie up early for another sporting event with her older children, returning late and tired. Ian, though exhausted from looking after the younger two, was still buoyed by the previous day's quickie. The couple ended the week on a positive note, ready to face the next one.
Expert perspective on sex in long-term relationships
While Melanie's story is personal, it echoes common challenges for couples with children. According to relationship experts, maintaining intimacy requires intentional effort, but it's normal for frequency to fluctuate. The key, as Melanie and Ian demonstrate, is communication and not putting too much pressure on sex. As Melanie put it, 'What makes us a strong couple is that we have the same dry sense of humour, which means we can laugh about pretty much anything, including sex droughts.'
