A 54-year-old married man confesses he no longer feels attracted to his wife and has been having an eight-month affair with a much younger colleague. Despite his wife being a 'brilliant homemaker' and supportive partner for over 30 years, he says they haven't had sex in years and he sees her as a sister. His mistress is pressuring him to leave his wife, but he is terrified of divorce.
The Problem
The reader, a father of two adult children, describes his wife as witty, clever, and attractive, but admits the spark is gone. He began flirting with a younger woman at work, which escalated into a full affair. His wife is busy with clubs and doesn't notice his absences. He feels torn between his lover and the fear of losing his stable life.
Laura's Advice
Counsellor Laura Collins warns that the thrill of the affair may fade if they were together full-time. She advises considering the potential losses: the respect of his children, financial stability, and the life built over decades. She suggests couples counselling to see if the marriage can be saved before making a final decision.
'You must ask yourself whether you love this girl enough to make that leap,' she writes. 'You don't sound sure.'
Key Points
- Almost half of UK marriages end in divorce, but the process remains daunting.
- The reader feels his wife has become like a sister, with no sexual attraction.
- His mistress is younger than his daughter, raising concerns about age gap.
- Laura emphasizes that both partners are responsible for the marital state.
- She recommends trying therapy before deciding to leave.
Laura Collins is a counsellor and columnist. Readers with sex or dating dilemmas can email her at Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
