After struggling with infertility and undergoing eight unsuccessful rounds of IVF, Narzny McKinney had two precious embryos left—her last chance to have biological children. She made the decision to find a surrogate to carry her child. “We were eight years down the line at this point and I just didn’t want to risk anything going wrong,” she said. “It was a tough decision but it was absolutely the right thing to do.”
McKinney and her husband, Roy, signed up to two UK surrogacy agencies and began attending social events where prospective parents meet potential surrogates. However, soaring demand—due to rising infertility rates, older parents, and gay couples seeking children—meant they had little luck meeting anyone other than parents in the same position. “It’s quite emotionally draining, because obviously you go with high hopes each time. You can probably go to a social most weekends; it takes up a big part of your life,” she said. They also considered going abroad, as a growing number of UK residents are doing, but knew it would be logistically difficult.
Finding a Surrogate
After two years of waiting, the agency Nappy Endings called to say a surrogate had come forward—Sarah Turner, a mother of three and midwife in London, who had always wanted to be a surrogate. Turner said: “I’d always felt very lucky that I was able to have low-risk pregnancies and have babies without any issue. So I thought I would always really like to help somebody that couldn’t do it as easily as I could. I was very up for it. I did a lot of research. I know myself and I was quite relaxed about it.”
The two couples hit it off instantly, and soon after, Turner, then aged 41, became pregnant with one of the last two embryos. From the beginning, Turner tried to ensure McKinney was as involved as possible—she bought her a bracelet that vibrated every time the baby kicked. “Having had three of my own babies, I can’t even imagine how difficult it must have been for Narzny, trusting another woman to carry her baby for her and not being able to do it herself,” Turner said. “That really got me in the guts, and I just used to sit and think, how must she feel? She has to trust me to do everything right for her. So I thought it would be so nice if she could feel the baby move and have that reassurance.”
Strong Relationship Key to Success
McKinney said the strong relationship between mother and surrogate was crucial. “We went to all the appointments together. I was really connected.” After meticulous planning for the birth, their plans went awry when Sarah gave birth at home so quickly that McKinney and her husband—who lived 40 minutes away—couldn’t make it in time. “People would say, ‘Oh my God, how do you feel about missing it?’ But I imagine we would have been so stressed and anxious, so it was nice turning up and being told, ‘it’s all done, he’s safe and he’s perfect’,” she said.
Turner admitted the immediate aftermath was the most difficult part. “The hormones come into play and you can’t do anything about that. So it was challenging. Your mind knows there shouldn’t be a baby but your body doesn’t. But Narzny McKinney and Roy were perfect; they didn’t just abandon me as soon as they had their baby. They checked in, they sent photos, we visited them. They were really mindful of how I was feeling.”
Legal Hurdles and Misconceptions
Now McKinney is enjoying motherhood with one-year-old Zak, and regularly meets up with Turner and her family. They both agree that legal reform, along with better education and awareness, would have helped. Under current UK laws, the surrogate and their spouse must be listed as the baby’s legal parents until a parental order is completed after birth. McKinney said she had to visit three different courts to get the parental order, something campaigners say should be automatic from birth. They also said it took months to get Zak a passport. “It’s a shame because he’s obviously been ours since day one, but the legal documentation to show that is quite far behind,” she said.
McKinney also encountered people who assumed she chose surrogacy due to a reluctance to give birth, or questioned whether she would have the “same bond” with her child. “You don’t say that to fathers, do you? You wouldn’t say that if we’d adopted our child. You would not find that an acceptable thing to say,” she said. Turner agreed: “Because then people wouldn’t feel like it has to be done behind closed doors or that it’s something to be ashamed of. Families can be made in all different ways, and actually it’s lovely that we can all help each other.”
The pair said they didn’t face negativity about their surrogacy, but they are aware of preconceptions. “I know there are a lot more celebrities doing it now, but for us, it was down to her fertility. It wasn’t just like, ‘Oh I can’t be bothered to carry a pregnancy, I’m going to get someone else to do it’. It was a purely medical thing,” said Sarah. “So nobody had anything negative to say to us about it.” Turner added that while people have hailed her decision as selfless, she doesn’t think of it that way. “I’m quite chill about it. Everyone says it’s this amazing thing you’ve done. I don’t necessarily even think like that. I’m glad I did it, I’m glad they’ve got their baby and I’m glad they’re a happy family—it’s really lovely to watch them grow.”
