Metro's sex columnist Sydney Summers has declared the mile high club a scam after attempting airplane sex with her partner Seb – describing the experience as 'the most chaotic, annoying and disgusting experience I've ever had'. The attempt, which took place 30 minutes into a flight back to London from Florence, was so gross that it temporarily put her off sex entirely.
A romantic trip leads to a disastrous plan
Summers and her partner Seb had just spent a week in Florence celebrating their one-year anniversary. The trip was beautiful – they ate gorgeous food, shopped for wine, and walked endlessly through the city. In the evenings, they'd dress up, go to a bar, and then return to their accommodation for passionate sex – every night without fail.
The couple had a tradition of having sex in different countries. Previously, they'd spent every night covered in sweat in Athens, and when they first met, they did a weekend of not leaving the bed in Madrid. As they boarded their flight back to British land, they felt the need for one more intimate encounter before leaving Italian soil.
The reality of the airplane bathroom
Sitting in the back of the plane, they devised a plan to have a quickie in the toilet. Summers went first to check the bathroom, with Seb ready to join her. Initially excited about having sex while suspended in the air, her enthusiasm quickly faded when she looked around the cramped space.
There was a faint smell – 'of course there was. This is where people poop.' The floor was wet, making her wonder how many people missed the seat during turbulence. Even the sink was dirty, with a wet tissue scrunched up next to the tap.
When Seb knocked, Summers considered shooing him away but feared drawing attention. She let him in, and despite the surroundings, they attempted to proceed. She pushed him against the door, but the encounter quickly turned chaotic. While trying to remove her underwear without letting it touch the revolting floor, she accidentally did a jumping jack, headbutting Seb, who then hit the door.
Chaos, disgust, and a toe in the basin
Despite the pain, Seb lifted her up, initially aiming for the sink until she protested. He moved her towards the toilet seat, but her protests grew louder. In the panic, her underwear fell on the wet floor, and she dropped her foot into the basin – her big toe touched metal. She screamed 'NO', no longer caring if anyone heard.
From that moment, all she could think about was whether her foot had poop on it. Seb put her down, she gathered her underwear, and stormed out of the toilet. Fortunately, no one was waiting, and she returned to her seat. The rest of the flight was spent in near silence. As soon as she reached the airport, she washed her entire foot and leg before heading home.
A lesson learned
Summers and Seb never spoke about the incident again, and their relationship continued as normal. However, she warns others: 'The mile high club is not what you think it is. It's cramped, disgusting, smelly and wet. I do not recommend trying it, no matter how horny you are. It's something I'll never attempt ever again.'
