A Playful Approach to Intimacy
Edward, 60, thinks of sex as playtime and has a vivid imagination, which Jane, 58, is happy to go along with despite being quite 'vanilla' herself. The couple, who met 22 years ago, have built a deep love that continues to grow.
Edward's Perspective
When Edward first met Jane through a dating website, he wasn't looking for anything serious. As a single father of a troubled teenager, his life was stressful. Their first date was lovely but lacked sparks. However, a second coffee date changed everything. “What we have is much deeper than a spark: it’s a love that just keeps growing,” he says.
In the early years, Jane offered an escape from his stressful home life. They would go for walks, to cafes and galleries, have fantastic sex, then return to their ordinary lives. After five years, they moved in together and married 11 years later. Now that the kids have left home, their sex life can be spontaneous. “There have been dinners that have ended up in the bin because all we want is each other,” Edward shares.
Two years ago, Edward started experiencing erectile dysfunction. While it upsets him more than Jane, it hasn't affected their closeness. “It just means we have to be more inventive,” he explains. Edward's vivid imagination fuels their playtime. When he dreamed about Jane in a latex catsuit, they had one made. The anticipation was as exciting as the outcome. His only worry is that the fantasies are always his own.
Jane's Perspective
Jane describes herself as analytical and vanilla, while Edward is creative and quirky. She enjoys fulfilling his fantasies. “He desperately wants me to have fantasies of my own, but he’s got enough for the both of us,” she says.
They storyboard, act out, and film the scenarios Edward invents with costumes, music, and props. The buildup is as important as the sex itself. “Even if it’s just going for a walk with nothing under my coat, planning the route and deciding where to park the car is all part of it,” Jane notes. Knowing how much it turns Edward on gives her a confidence boost.
The erectile dysfunction doesn't bother Jane, but it upsets Edward. She reassures him that their connection remains strong. When they got together, both were coming out of broken relationships. It took a lot of talking for Jane to feel secure. Two decades later, the sex is better because they know what turns each other on. But Jane feels closest to Edward when they are out walking together. “We find constant delight in each other, and that’s only increased over the years,” she concludes.
