I have a great idea: let us call for a pause on new reality shows, at least until the frenzy to dethrone The Traitors subsides. Otherwise, they will keep coming.
The Neighbourhood, hosted by the saving grace Graham Norton, is the latest contender. Six families move into a suburban close, each aiming to be the last one voted out and win a hefty £250,000 prize. This suggests someone in TV commissioning finally understands inflation, as £50,000 or £100,000 no longer changes lives but merely covers a month's rent or a tank of petrol.
The rules are remarkably simple, as if the creators were exhausted or spent the entire budget on the prize fund. Daily challenges earn winners immunity. In the first challenge, a family member is strapped to a 7-foot washing line, grabs an item, reads a fact about another contestant, and guesses who it applies to. It is pointless and dismal, yet everyone squeals and whoops. The second challenge involves searching for gnomes, slightly less dismal. Always go gnome-hunting is not bad life advice.
Beyond that, families must form alliances while assuring relatives and viewers they are kind people who are also competitive and came to win. Their superpower is being underestimated, and they intend to smash it.
The inaugural households include the Bradons from Essex, who worry their five-strong team looks threatening; Sunita and Tony Kandola with her son Samra, whose immediate sharing of samosas hints at a sophisticated game plan; the Lozman-Sturrocks, including son Jordan; the Pescuds, harboring a secret astrophysicist now working at Greggs; the Scousa Haus, Liverpool twins Lyndsey and Louise with Lyndsey's girlfriend Rosie; and four puppies masquerading as students called the Uni Boys, bouncing around so happily they should be prescribed as a national tonic.
Emotive backstories gradually emerge. The Lozman-Sturrocks grew close over stepdad Dave's health issues, and the twins want money for their terminally ill mother's bucket list. Jordan L-S, a military veteran with PTSD, now does stand-up comedy for men's mental health charities. How much this explains his relentless sabotage of relationships despite alliances being the only way to survive remains unclear. “I’m bored of playing happy families!” he announces after being briefly civil to Rosie. “It’s time to start stabbing people in the back.” Is this a sign of a good soldier or a bad one? I am intrigued.
But by the rest, less so. Jeopardy is conspicuously absent. Norton lifts the energy when present but only appears for welcome and removal voting. The contestants are mostly charisma-free, and the only one with charisma is evicted early, with underlying racism that everyone works hard to ignore.
Yes, a moratorium is in order. TV commissioners and formatters, take time out. Rest. Recharge. Put the university puppies on in the meantime, and do not rush back.
The Neighbourhood aired on ITV1 and is on ITVX now.
