A Hymn to Life: Gisèle Pelicot's Unflinching Memoir of Survival and Strength
In the harrowing yet inspiring memoir A Hymn to Life, Gisèle Pelicot delivers a raw and riveting account of her ordeal as a survivor of spousal abuse, refusing to conform to external agendas and instead charting her own path to empowerment. This unique narrative stands out among survivor stories for its unvarnished honesty and the author's astonishing transformation from an ordinary woman into a figure of immense resilience.
The Unfolding Nightmare
Pelicot's life shattered in 2020 when her husband of nearly 50 years, Dominique, was arrested for upskirting women in a supermarket in Carpentras, a town in southeastern France. The police investigation uncovered a cache of videos and photos revealing that Dominique had drugged and raped his wife, recruiting approximately 50 men online to participate in these assaults while she was unconscious. At 67 years old, Pelicot found herself thrust into a nightmare, grappling with horrors she had no memory of enduring.
What makes A Hymn to Life so compelling is its vivid detail, akin to a gripping novel, and its exploration of Pelicot's psychological journey. She describes feeling "struck head-on by a high-speed train" after the revelations, a metaphor that a neighbor once took literally, complimenting her on the surgeon's work. This moment of grim humor underscores the surreal nature of her trauma.
Confronting Shame and Societal Expectations
Pelicot bravely confronts the question that haunted many during her husband's trial: how could she not have known? She writes with wrenching honesty about "the shame of having understood nothing—of feeling like an idiot in the eyes of others, and in my own." The memoir becomes a detective story, as she sifts through memories for overlooked clues, examining her husband's violent family background, the influence of patriarchal society, and the impact of losing her mother at a young age.
She also reflects on their contrasting careers—Pelicot rose from a secretary to a management position at an energy company, while Dominique struggled with employment—and wonders if her success fueled his resentment. Even their sex life is scrutinized, with Pelicot questioning whether indulging his requests for anal sex or filming might have altered the outcome. This thought process, familiar to many abuse survivors, highlights the internalized blame she grappled with.
Family Rifts and Personal Reconciliation
In the aftermath, Pelicot's attempts to preserve happy memories of Dominique as a father caused severe rifts with her three children, particularly her daughter Caroline, who wrote her own memoir. While Caroline experienced a breakdown requiring psychiatric care, Pelicot coped by maintaining routines, even doing her husband's laundry and worrying about his comfort in jail. She laments, "What is left for a woman my age when she doesn't have a husband any more, just her children and grandchildren?"
This sentiment, which initially sparked anger in readers, is contextualized by Pelicot's explanation that she belongs to a generation where "the principal axis of our lives was the man we had married." She defiantly rejects being lectured on the "right" way to be a victim, asserting her autonomy in processing trauma.
The Trial and Public Transformation
The trial in 2024 occupies the final section of the book, where Pelicot made the pivotal decision to open proceedings to the public, declaring that "shame has to change sides." As horrific videos played in court, she focused on photos of her grandchildren, drawing courage from the love of her mother and the women who gathered outside in support. "This crowd saved me," she writes, highlighting the communal strength that aided her recovery.
Pelicot critiques the term "dignified" often used to describe her, seeing it as coded and judgmental. Instead, she emphasizes moving forward at her own pace, slowly letting go of her husband, whom she now calls "a pathetic creep." She refuses to let her story fuel generalized disgust toward men, stating, "I know my story has fuelled disgust for men, but it has not done that for me."
A Defiant Conclusion
The memoir concludes with Pelicot's defiance not only against her abusers but also against those who would impose a more strident narrative on her experience. In a powerful act of reclamation, she meets a new partner, Jean-Loup, falls in love, and moves in with him, affirming that "love is not dead." This ending underscores her journey from victimhood to empowerment, on her own terms.
A Hymn to Life: Shame Has to Change Sides is a testament to Pelicot's resilience and a unique contribution to survivor literature. It challenges readers to empathize without prescribing responses, offering a profound meditation on trauma, shame, and the possibility of renewal.
