Overcoming a Libido Drop: One Couple's Journey
Lucia, 45, and Edwin, 46, have been together for 26 years. When Lucia's libido plummeted during the pandemic, they found creative ways to reconnect. Here's their story, shared anonymously.
Lucia's Perspective: The Pep Talk That Changed Everything
"About five years ago, my libido was so low I thought if I never had sex again, I'd be fine. I'm not sure what was causing it. It was during the pandemic and I was stressed, or perhaps it was due to hormonal changes from perimenopause. It was like something in my brain wasn't working."
Lucia felt guilty because she loves Edwin and wants to make him happy. She knew sex still needed to happen in their relationship. After six months to a year, she saw a doctor who prescribed a supplement, but the real change came from shifting her mindset. "I knew I had to focus on making sex a priority. On days I didn't want to have sex, I would give myself a pep talk. I'd look in the mirror and say: 'I am going to have sex and I am going to enjoy it.' Things got much better, even the quality of our sex, because I became more adventurous."
Lucia started telling Edwin fake sexy stories about things she'd done with someone else, and they play "the stranger," pretending to be different people meeting for a date. They now have sex about three times a week. "Things have been good since I made this effort – we get along so much better. It's not as spontaneous, but life changes and you just have to adapt."
Edwin's Perspective: Connection Matters Most
"Physical touch is my love language. I feel most connected to Lucia through cuddling, back rubs. I enjoy the sex, but connection is the most important part. We've been together 26 years, and I'm at a stage where I only fantasise about my wife, which is awesome."
Edwin notes that while familiarity makes sex better, they have to avoid the same script every time. Their sex life follows a schedule – about 80% of the time, they have sex before lunch. They recently bought a remote-controlled toy, using it during dinner. "We're pretty vanilla, but not prudes – we like a bit of dirty talk."
When Lucia's libido dropped, Edwin felt frustrated not just by the lack of sexual intimacy but also by her being less affectionate overall. "For me, that connection is how I feel loved, so it was unsettling." He credits Lucia's conscious choice to be more present as the biggest change. "We talk about how there were butterflies at the beginning. We don't get those anymore, but love is a conscious decision. Each day, you decide fresh that this is who I'm with, this is who I love. You choose them every day."
