A reader nearing 30 has just ended his first serious relationship, which lasted eight months and included his first kiss. Despite the breakup being kind and respectful, he feels his self-esteem and confidence have dropped even further. He wonders how he can expect to find someone else when it took 15 years to find his first partner.
Rejection Is Not a Scorecard of Your Value
Advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith responds that a person ending a relationship is not a judgment on your worth. She stresses the importance of separating the pain of rejection from the pain of feeling 'not worth it,' as only one of these is real. People end relationships due to a lack of fit, not because of objective flaws in the other person.
Hope Over Expectation in Love
Gordon-Smith acknowledges the uncertainty of finding another partner but encourages the reader to focus on hope rather than expectation. She notes that everyone in love faces uncertainty, and hope can motivate putting oneself out there even when outcomes are unknown. Self-esteem must be separable from others' approval, as relationships are about finding a fit, while self-esteem is about recognizing one's own worth.
