David Warr spent five decades avoiding deep water, despite living on the island of Jersey where the sea is an ever-present part of life. At 61, he finally confronted the fear that had haunted him since childhood, discovering that the water could heal rather than harm.
A Childhood Incident That Created Lifelong Fear
When David was just 11 years old, a terrifying experience at a school swimming lesson left him convinced he was going to die. "I jumped in and swam, then realised with horror that my feet couldn't feel the bottom," he recalls. His teacher shouted from the poolside, but David felt completely immobilised by panic. "I thought, 'I can't. I don't know what to do.' I started to panic hard. I thought, 'She's going to let me die.'"
Though he eventually reached safety, the memory of that moment stayed with him for decades. Even as an adult living on Jersey, he would only wade in shallow water while watching his sons swim with a mixture of envy and pride. "I felt like I was battling the water," he admits.
The Turning Point in Norway
The turning point came during a rare holiday to Norway last year. Staying at a hotel on a dark, murky lake with no shallows, David watched his wife swim while he could only dip in a toe. "I thought, 'I'm not going in there. I don't trust myself.'"
Yet something shifted during that trip. After braving a long zip wire, David recognised his own determination to overcome inadequacies. "I have this thing in me, which is, if there's an inadequacy, I want to overcome that," he explains. This realisation prompted him to seek help upon returning to Jersey.
Finding the Right Teacher
David approached Sally Minty-Gravett, his sons' former swimming teacher and a seasoned Channel swimmer. Their first sessions took place at the bottom of a slipway, with David initially feeling like he had "all the gear, and no idea." He practiced floating and gradually built confidence, but still couldn't venture out of his depth.
When Sally finally asked him to jump off the slipway into deep water, David describes it as "the most fearful moment." It was then that Sally made a crucial observation: "David, why are you so worried about being out of your depth? You should maybe lie on a couch with someone and discuss it."
Connecting Fear to Childhood Trauma
This comment prompted David to reflect on events surrounding the original swimming incident. Shortly before it occurred, his mother had passed away when he was 11, and he had moved from Ireland to England with his father and brother. Soon after, he was sent to boarding school, where he says he was "basically, popped out of the way somewhere."
The topic of his mother's death was never properly addressed. "I internalised stuff, then explained it away to myself," David recalls. Only when he caught chickenpox and spoke with a school nurse did anyone express shock about his loss. There was no grief counselling available to help him process this profound event.
The Healing Jump
"I feel this is something I've got to confront myself. I can't explain the fear to anybody else," David told Sally before finally jumping into the deep water. "And I bounced back up to the surface, kicked around for a bit, and thought, 'What now?'"
Sally reminded him to float, explaining that when he couldn't swim, he could always float. "Sally's commentary was, 'David, the sea is not trying to kill you. Let the water support you... It's holding you, it's embracing you.' I'd never thought of that concept," David says.
A New Perspective on Life and Fear
Through this experience, David learned that he doesn't need to feel the ground beneath his feet to feel safe. He now understands that "no matter how fearful you become, the loss of your mum at a young age – that's the abyss. Nothing else is ever as traumatic."
Since that first jump, David has swum out to a boat accompanied by Sally and completed lengths at his local pool. He's witnessed sunrises from the water and seen his island home from an entirely new perspective. "There are people who walk out of their houses and jump straight in the sea," he observes with newfound appreciation.
The shoreline, he now recognises, "is teeming with life." More importantly, he has found "a new connection" with his home and with himself. What began as a simple swimming lesson became a journey of healing, proving that it's never too late to confront fears and find new beginnings.
