Rowing Through Grief: A 3,000-Mile Atlantic Journey After Losing a Father
Clare O'Reilly's father, Mick, was her best friend and constant supporter throughout her 47 years. They shared passions for poetry, cheese, Simon and Garfunkel, chess, and baking bread. He taught her fundamental life skills—from riding a bike to finding joy in any situation—and believed in her even when she doubted herself. When Mick took his final breath on December 13 last year, a part of Clare's heart stopped beating with his.
The Cruel Timing of Loss
What made the tragedy even more devastating was Clare's location when it happened. She was 1,600 miles away in La Gomera, Spain, preparing for The World's Toughest Row—a 3,000-mile transatlantic race from the Canary Islands to Antigua. Just days earlier, she had arrived for the competition that she had trained over 15 months to complete.
That fateful morning, after completing a mandatory inspection, Clare received a call from her father. While she cannot recall the exact words exchanged, the conversation ended with mutual declarations of love. If she had known these would be their final words, she would never have hung up.
A Father's Health Struggles
Mick had battled serious health issues for years. Diagnosed with epilepsy in 1978 shortly before Clare's birth, he later developed COPD before receiving the cruel dual diagnosis of Alzheimer's and Dementia in 2020. In his final years, he survived multiple strokes.
Despite these challenges, Mick remained a Trojan of a man with a gentle, kind heart that refused to yield to adversity. He endured daily pain without complaint, showing remarkable resilience until the very end.
The Rapid Decline
Just hours after their final phone call, Mick was rushed to hospital after falling ill at his day centre. His condition deteriorated rapidly with diagnoses of both sepsis and E.Coli, requiring sedation to manage his extreme pain and discomfort.
Clare spent the next four days in a daze, dreading the ocean journey she had once eagerly anticipated. She FaceTimed her three children—Eddie (21), Sammy (17), and Annie (14)—individually to explain that their beloved grandfather was critically ill and unlikely to survive.
Though she couldn't speak directly to her father, Clare's brother Michael held the phone to Mick's ear while she recounted childhood memories and shared stories of their bike rides together. She spent hours praying in a local Spanish church, hoping for a miracle that never came.
The Decision to Continue
When Clare received the call from her mother Irene confirming her father's passing, she felt as if the bottom had fallen out of her world. While she didn't crumble completely, her familiar reality had vanished, replaced by a painful new existence.
If she had been competing solo, Clare would have withdrawn immediately. However, she was rowing as part of a female trio with teammates Rosie and Mel. Her withdrawal would have disqualified the entire team, forcing her to make an impossible choice.
42 Days of Ocean Grieving
Clare ultimately spent 42 days and 3,000 miles crying a sea of tears for her beloved father. On December 14, she squared her shoulders, donned sunglasses to hide her tears, clipped on her safety harness, and picked up her oars.
The race start was broadcast live on YouTube, though Clare barely remembers rowing out of the harbor. She focused on the belief that her father would want her to embark on this adventure—one he could only have dreamed of experiencing himself.
Finding Solace in the Atlantic
After six grueling weeks at sea, Clare's team placed second in the women's class. The race finish, also streamed on YouTube, captured the moment she dropped her oars and sobbed as flares marked the completion of their transatlantic journey.
Clare describes the Atlantic as both beautiful and brutal—a fitting place to grieve. Like her father, she wears her heart barely below the surface, easily moved to tears by sad stories or goosebumps by beautiful sunrises.
Facing force 7 weather conditions, she learned to compartmentalize her grief to focus on safely crossing the ocean. She found strange comfort in quickly adapting to the massive waves that engulfed their boat just hours after departure.
Alone with Memories
Following a pre-arranged rowing shift schedule, Clare spent hours each day rowing alone—sometimes in daylight, sometimes in darkness. Despite a lifelong fear of the dark (something her father adored), she tried to find solace in the pitch black, knowing Mick loved it.
She cried silently at the oars to avoid waking her sleeping crewmates. It was during these solitary moments that she wrote her father's eulogy—exactly as he had requested—knowing she wouldn't be able to deliver it personally at his funeral.
A Grandson's Tribute
Clare's eldest son, Eddie, delivered the eulogy in her place, earning his grandfather's imagined pride by telling the gathering how Mick thrived on his family's achievements and would always say "well done, kiddo" when hearing good news.
Clare concluded the eulogy with a stark truth: her father had taught them everything except how to live without him.
Celestial Messages and Childhood Memories
Throughout the journey, shooting stars and meteors felt like messages from her father, encouraging her to keep going when she felt she couldn't continue. With nothing to do but row, eat, and sleep, Clare's mind frequently wandered back to childhood memories, which she could replay in minute detail.
She savored recollections of rhubarb and custard sweets bought from the local sweet shop, remembered walking routes from her childhood, and recalled every detail of being taught chess on a sunny June day in 1984—when she was just five years old and would rather have been playing in the garden.
Preparing for the Inevitable
After Mick's Alzheimer's and Dementia diagnosis in 2020, father and daughter spent hours discussing funeral arrangements—music selections, poems, and readings. Clare made sure to express her love during every conversation and managed to take him on trips to the Outer Hebrides and Lake District.
They left nothing unsaid and had no unfinished business—a circumstance Clare recognizes as incredibly fortunate, though it provides little solace in her grief.
Navigating Life Without a Father
Clare successfully crossed an ocean after losing her father, but now faces the greater challenge of navigating the rest of her life without him. The Atlantic row provided both a physical journey and an emotional crucible—a 3,000-mile testament to love, loss, and the enduring bond between a father and daughter.
