Every morning, Rebekah wakes up consumed by anxiety about paying her bills and buying food, living in constant fear of bailiffs knocking at her door. As Christmas approaches, that dread extends to being unable to afford presents for her two grandchildren.
The Daily Struggle of a Kinship Carer
Rebekah, who is raising her eight and fourteen-year-old grandchildren, says the festive season only magnifies the financial strain she faces all year round. She relies on school food vouchers and has saved her Sainsbury's Nectar points throughout the year to contribute to a festive shop. While she buys them practical items like shoes and coats, she feels terrible knowing she cannot provide the phones or PlayStations some of their peers might receive.
"The children are really grateful," Rebekah explains, "but it makes me feel terrible, especially when they hear about other children at school going on holidays and trips to see Santa." This year, the family's situation is so dire that their school has linked them with a charity donating presents, and another organisation will deliver a festive food hamper, complete with a turkey for Christmas dinner.
A Legacy of Loss and Trauma
The children's mother, Rebekah's daughter Francesca, died suddenly in January 2020 at the age of 31. Francesca had lived for a decade with a rare, life-limiting autoimmune condition called antisynthetase syndrome, alongside osteoporosis and pulmonary hypertension. For the last year of her life, she was confined to bed after breaking her hip and leg.
"Although we had been preparing for her premature death, it was so sudden when it came," Rebekah recalls. Her eight-year-old grandson found Francesca unconscious in the bath. Rebekah rushed to hold her daughter's head above water while calling an ambulance. Paramedics performed CPR for an hour but could not save her.
Rebekah, who had been Francesca's full-time carer, knew she would raise the children afterwards, as there was no other parent. She herself suffers from lifelong PTSD from a domestically abusive childhood, which causes severe anxiety. "I have to stay strong and keep going," she says.
The Fight for Support and a Bigger Home
Despite her resilience, Rebekah is fighting a losing battle to secure specialist therapeutic support for her grandchildren's profound grief and trauma. "The local authority says it can’t help and I cannot afford private therapy," she states. The family lives in a cramped two-bed housing association property, where Rebekah has slept on the sofa for six years, with her granddaughter on a mini-sofa beside her. They are in desperate need of a larger home.
Financially, she is forced to rely on benefits, including Widow's Pension, Housing Benefit, Child Benefit, Council Tax Support, and Universal Credit. Yet, she is perpetually in debt, primarily due to council tax. "We don’t go out anywhere, or on holiday. I don’t have a car," she shares. A kind neighbour is taking the children to a Santa's grotto because she cannot afford to.
Her son has moved in to help financially, emotionally, and practically, but Rebekah acknowledges he has his own life and job. There have been winters where they have gone without heating, using blankets and dressing gowns to stay warm, forced to choose between food and warmth.
The Campaign for Change
Rebekah's story is not unique. A Kinship charity poll of 1,018 kinship carers last year revealed that 6 in 10 worried about affording Christmas presents. One in five expected to use food banks, and almost half said they were likely to fall into debt to pay for Christmas.
Kinship carers, like Rebekah, perform the same role as foster families but for their own biological relatives. They keep over 140,000 children in England and Wales out of the care system, saving the government a fortune. Rebekah passionately supports Kinship's #ValueOurLove campaign, which fights for better financial, emotional, and practical support for these families.
"If I hadn’t stepped up, the children would have been placed in care," she says. "So we shouldn’t be denied the same support as foster carers." She warns that without therapeutic support, these children, already burdened by loss and trauma, could face severe mental health struggles later in life.
Despite the hardship, the children bring her immense joy. Her granddaughter draws her pictures, and her grandson thanks her for new clothes, understanding their struggles. They find happiness in simple pleasures: walking home from school, being in nature, and cuddling up to watch a film.
Rebekah ends with a plea: "I hope that the government will listen to kinship families and provide the financial, emotional and therapeutic support that we urgently require."
Kinship offers free peer support groups and advice for kinship carers. Support can be found via the Kinship website.
