Yemi Hughes lost her 19-year-old son Andre Aderemi to a brutal sword attack on the Monks Hill Estate near Selsdon in Croydon in August 2016. A decade later, 50 of the teenager's friends and family gathered at his grave to leave flowers, share memories, and grieve the life he should have had.
"I always think about the big moments I've missed from him; his chance to be a parent, to have a partner, a career," Yemi told MyLondon in the days following the tearful memorial. "We still speak about Andre every day. He was so family-oriented, so funny, the soul of the party. It leaves the biggest hole at gatherings because he's not here. He was so full of love for his brothers, for me, his aunties, his nan. That's what we miss the most."
A bittersweet milestone: becoming a grandmother
Andre's younger brother, now 24, welcomed a daughter six months ago, making Yemi a grandmother for the first time at 47. This proved to be a bittersweet moment — one of immense pride but also of conflicted sadness. "I didn't have that first opportunity to be a grandmother," Yemi explained. "With Andre being quite a bit older, it feels like we've not only lost him but so many of the things he could have done."
Since his murder at the hands of a vengeful gang, Andre's family has had to attend countless birthdays and weddings knowing they'll never celebrate with him again. The 'very clever' teenager had expressed an interest in sports physiotherapy, and his mum said he would have been 'over the moon' to see Arsenal win the Premier League. Instead, the crowd who attended the cemetery watched Sunday's FA Community Shield match, as Andre would have 'absolutely loved' the Gunners' winning streak.
Younger brother struggles with memories and stigma
While those who love him keep his memory alive, it has become difficult for younger members of the family to recall what he was like. Yemi said: "My youngest son was only eight when Andre died so he and the other children don't always remember everything. They sometimes don't know what we're talking about. But I say to my son all the time 'Andre absolutely adored you. You were everything to him.' There was an 11 year age gap so Andre was able to do a lot for him as an older brother but he just doesn't have those memories anymore."
"We found a memory stick the other day which had about 50 videos on it, like clips of Christmases and birthdays. Their birthdays were only four days apart so they used to do celebrations together but my son didn't really remember. Andre was so gentle and kind with him and he could actually see that in footage which was really nice."
Andre's death has had a significant lasting impact on his now 18-year-old brother, who struggles to go out alone and does not like to use public transport. He does however have a moped, which Yemi said has caused other problems. She added: "He gets stopped by the police sometimes and they can be quite rough with him. There's a stigma attached to being a young black boy on a moped but it's traumatic for him. It was the same for Andre when he was a teenager."
Ongoing knife crime and calls for youth facilities
The secondary school teacher continued: "One of my son's has passed Andre's age and the other one is nearing it, and the older I've gotten as a mother, I've realised just how young they are. They still need help and guidance, and it upsets me when I think of all the things Andre was trying to deal with. He had this falling out with these boys and it was getting more violent and threatening and he was dealing with that whilst still being so young. I worry about my boys going out every day."
Hours after Yemi spoke to MyLondon, a teenage boy was stabbed on a residential street in West Croydon in broad daylight. A man then suffered potentially life-changing injuries in a separate knife attack at New Cross station later that same afternoon. Police are yet to make an arrest in either case but are carrying out enquiries and urge anyone with relevant information to come forward.
Yemi believes young people need to be given more positive opportunities in order to make better choices and avoid a life of crime. "The devil will find work for idle hands to do," she sighed. "There are so many young people who leave school and can't get jobs. They'll just be hanging about all summer. It's only getting worse because all those menial jobs they used to be able to do, like working in a supermarket or hair salon, are being taken by adults now. There are no other jobs. It's a really bad cycle."
She also thinks London needs far more facilities that give young people something to do in a supportive environment. In April, Sadiq Khan pledged over £30m to deliver at least one late-night youth club in every borough of the capital. These clubs, set to open this year, would offer activities, support, mentorship and food, with the intention of giving young Londoners "somewhere safe to go" and ensuring "no one is left behind", according to the Mayor. It is hoped the major investment will recreate the success of, for example, the award-winning Legacy Youth Zone in Thornton Heath.
Yemi feels there is still "nothing" for young people in Croydon and having just one large youth club can discourage people from attending. "You're asking kids from all over the borough to go to one place and children from certain walks of life are not going to do that," she said. "They're not going to take the risk to go places when they don't know who else is going to be there. We need more small hubs. A lot has been done by individual people trying to do individual things for their communities."
Campaigning for change and frustration with the justice system
Yemi herself became an anti-knife crime campaigner following Andre's murder and joined forces with other grieving mums to demand action. She also fundraised for bleed control kits, supported actor Idris Elba's Don't Stop Your Future campaign, and met with former Prime Minister Keir Starmer. But in recent years Yemi has grown increasingly tired by the lack of consequence for people who commit knife crime, with early release schemes only adding to the frustration. She and her family have seen Jamell Lonergan, who pleaded guilty to manslaughter for his role in Andre's death, several times since his release five years into a ten-year sentence. Yemi said: "It's difficult to deal with. It reopens the grief, especially when you see them and they're older. They've had the chance to do that and my son hasn't."
