Leesa Morris: A Journey from Sex Addiction to Self-Discovery
For much of her adult life, Leesa Morris felt her sexual preferences were labelled as weird by others. This perception led her down a path of extreme BDSM encounters and a struggle with sex addiction, which she has since overcome through therapy and self-reflection.
The Early Years and a Sexually Frustrating Marriage
At age 17, Leesa's first boyfriend reacted with horror when she asked to be spanked, setting a pattern of rejection for her kinks. Later, she married a kind and funny man, despite knowing they weren't sexually compatible. She suppressed her desires, hoping they would fade, but this only led to increased frustration and masturbation as a coping mechanism. By age 32, after a divorce, she felt compelled to explore her needs openly.
Entering the World of BDSM and Transactional Encounters
Freshly single, Leesa turned to online platforms for BDSM enthusiasts, where she met Simon, an older man experienced in the scene. Their initial meetings involved discussing boundaries, but the encounters were largely transactional. In one instance, she was handcuffed in a car before a session in a converted dungeon outside London. While the domination provided physical pleasure, it lacked emotional connection, leaving her feeling empty afterwards.
The Descent into Compulsive Behaviour and Isolation
Leesa continued seeking BDSM partners, but the lack of after-care and meaningful bonds exacerbated her loneliness. She began to associate physical pain with being seen and validated, even as it harmed her. Her behaviour became compulsive: she sexted during social events, missed family occasions due to injuries, and masturbated excessively in various settings. Friends expressed concern, but she dismissed them, believing they misunderstood her kink.
A Turning Point and Seeking Help
A pivotal moment came when, during a rough session with Simon, Leesa found herself wishing for death to escape her inner pain. She screamed her safe word and ended the encounter. Realising something was deeply wrong, she sought therapy. Initially sceptical of terms like sex addiction, she read Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody and saw her own patterns reflected—people-pleasing and fear of abandonment had driven her behaviour.
Understanding Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder
Experts like Dr Paula Hall and Andrew Harvey emphasise that BDSM itself isn't harmful; it's the dependency and obsession that define addiction. The World Health Organization recognises Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (CSBD), with a 2023 study showing global prevalence rates of 4.8%, affecting men, women, and gender-diverse individuals. This disorder involves a loss of control and negative consequences, debunking myths that it's merely an excuse for infidelity.
The Path to Recovery and Self-Love
Leesa worked through the 12 steps and practised abstinence until she no longer fixated on sex. She learned to sit with her pain and build authentic connections, starting with herself. By setting boundaries, such as avoiding casual sex and prioritising emotionally safe relationships, she reclaimed her life. Today, she enjoys her kinks healthily, without using them as a coping mechanism, and finds joy in her dog Pluto and meaningful friendships.
Key Takeaways for Others
Recovery is possible without giving up sexuality: Leesa's story shows that healing allows for enjoying sexual experiences in a balanced way. Connection is crucial: Emotional safety and self-respect are foundations for healthy relationships. Professional support helps: Therapy and resources like the Laurel Centre can guide individuals through compulsive behaviours towards a fulfilling life.
