For many couples, the idea of pencilling sex into the diary sounds about as romantic as a dental appointment. Yet, according to writer and broadcaster Alice Giddings, embracing scheduled intimacy with a clever twist – the 'Cinderella rule' – can be a genuine turn-on for those navigating hectic lives.
What is the 'Cinderella Rule' for Scheduled Sex?
The concept was discussed on the Metro podcast Just Between Us in December 2025, when a caller named Mia shared her struggles. Juggling a business, caring for elderly relatives, and long work hours left her with no energy for physical intimacy by bedtime. Giddings' solution was to implement a personal deadline, much like Cinderella's magical curfew.
The rule is simple: set a firm 'turn into a pumpkin' cut-off time in your mind for when intimacy is off the table. For Giddings, this is 10:30 PM, aiming for lights out. Factoring in the reported optimal duration of sex for Brits – 23 minutes and 45 seconds – her latest start time is 10:10 PM.
This approach removes the pressure of an open-ended possibility that can lead to exhaustion. Instead of a rigid, scheduled half-hour slot, you create a flexible window. You can indicate to your partner earlier in the day that intimacy is a possibility, casually mentioning the cut-off. This builds anticipation while managing expectations, preventing disappointment if the mood doesn't strike for both parties.
Building Anticipation and Finding What Works
Giddings emphasises that the scheduled time should be used to build desire. For Mia, this meant transforming a daily coffee shop catch-up with her partner into a dedicated bedroom connection once or twice a week, focusing on kissing to trigger arousal. For others, it could be a flirtatious text or a sexy picture exchanged during the day.
Some women, including Giddings herself, use 'porn dosing' – listening to short bursts of audio porn while doing mundane tasks like laundry or commuting – to stoke sexual anticipation gradually throughout the day.
The advice, originally published in July 2025, has proven effective for Giddings and her partner, especially during busy periods. "There’s also something about the anticipation that makes it quite exciting," she notes. Ideally, if schedules allow, moving the intimacy window earlier in the day, before energy is fully depleted, is even better.
Low-Energy Positions for Tired Couples
Recognising that scheduled sex shouldn't feel like an Olympic sport, Giddings suggests several positions for when energy is low. The classic spooning position allows for penetration from behind with minimal effort. The tangle, where partners lie facing each other on their sides with legs scissored, works well with grinding motions. For oral sex, a sideways 69 position is a comfortable, lazy option.
Ultimately, the 'Cinderella rule' reframes scheduled intimacy. It's not about a clinical appointment, but about creating a dedicated, pressure-free space for connection amidst life's chaos, ensuring both partners can enjoy intimacy without sacrificing essential rest.
