A fresh wave of frustration is sweeping across the digital dating landscape, and new data suggests a specific demographic is at the heart of the issue: straight millennial men. According to a major 2025 report, a significant lack of effort from this group is being linked to the widespread exhaustion and disconnection felt by users on dating platforms.
The Data Behind the Dating Disconnect
The findings come from the Feeld 2025 Report, which surveyed 2,500 of the app's members. The study uncovered a stark gender divide in user behaviour. It revealed that nearly seven in 10 heterosexual men aged 29 to 44 have either never updated, or only rarely update, their dating profiles since first creating them.
This means a man who has been swiping for years could still be using the same profile picture and bio, potentially featuring clichéd tropes like the infamous 'man holding a fish' snapshot. In contrast, women are far more proactive. The report shows 27.8% of women have changed their bio since downloading the app, with millennial women, especially those identifying as queer, pansexual, or bisexual, being the most frequent updaters at 89%.
Furthermore, men are 2.6 times less likely than women to use their profile to pre-empt common questions or state their deal-breakers clearly. They also consistently opt for shorter maximum match distances, which they tweak over time, while women maintain broader search preferences.
Expert Insight: A Tale of Two Mindsets
Dating expert and journalist Mona Chalabi, who analysed the research, noted the clearest pattern was gender-based. "People who identify as men change their search settings more, and women spend more time changing their profiles," she observed.
Chalabi offered a poignant interpretation of the findings. "When I first looked at those findings, I sighed," she admitted. "I wondered if men are more inclined to believe that there’s something wrong with their environment, whereas women are more inclined to think there’s something wrong with themselves." This fundamental difference in approach may explain the effort gap.
The report also identified four archetypes of dating app users based on how they interact with their settings:
- The Cartographer: Constantly adjusts distance settings.
- The Fine Tuner: Makes occasional, subtle profile tweaks.
- The Gardener: Patiently and intentionally cultivates their profile.
- The Acrobat: Constantly experiments with different search settings.
The Bigger Picture of Dating App Fatigue
This new data provides context for a broader crisis of connection on dating apps. Previous reports, including one from Forbes cited in the research, found that 78% of app users feel emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by the process. Ghosting is rampant, affecting 41% of users, and 40% struggle to form meaningful connections.
Notably, women report higher levels of fatigue than men (80% vs 74%). Certified sex therapist Dr. Rufus Tony Spann attributes this to the constant cycle of raised hopes followed by disappointment when promising matches fail to develop.
Despite the identified problems, the Feeld report offers a glimmer of collective self-awareness. It found that nearly 90% of members update their bios and 92% adjust their search settings at some point. As Mona Chalabi concludes, most users understand that good connections require both luck and effort, which in the digital realm translates to "a little tinkering now and then." The current crisis suggests that effort is not being applied equally.
