The Power of Praise: Why Men Are Asking for More Compliments in Relationships
In the whirlwind of modern romance, where grand public displays of affection often steal the spotlight on social media, it's the small, everyday gestures that truly nurture connection. While many might assume physical intimacy tops the wish list for men in partnerships, emerging conversations and expert insights reveal a deeper yearning: more frequent and sincere compliments from their significant others.
The Compliment Gap: Data and Personal Stories
Research into compliment dynamics remains limited, but existing studies, such as one from New Zealand, indicate that women tend to compliment other women more frequently than they do men. This pattern extends into romantic relationships, as highlighted by a recent anonymous Reddit post that resonated widely. The user, sharing under a pseudonym, expressed frustration over rarely receiving compliments from his wife despite a loving seven-year relationship.
The online discussion sparked a flood of similar experiences. One commenter noted, "I rarely get any compliments. I couldn't tell you the last time it happened. I do compliment her regularly." Another admitted, "My husband compliments me every day. I rarely compliment him... It just doesn't come naturally to me." A third shared, "She compliments me once or twice a year. If I don't compliment her regularly, I get asked if there's something wrong."
Expert Insights: The Need for Validation
Dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield explains this phenomenon by pointing to social differences. "Men do not have the same social networks and close emotional and intimate friendships and support that women do," she says. "But men need validation and reward-based feedback too." Mansfield advocates for the "dating your husband" concept, encouraging women to use positive reinforcement to build connection and meet mutual needs.
Psychologist Madeleine Roantree, who regularly works with couples, echoes this advice. She recently tasked a woman in a heterosexual partnership with verbally appreciating her partner, leading to a profound response. "His reaction surprised her: he reported feeling significantly closer to her and deeply moved by the experience," Roantree notes. She observes that women may withhold compliments due to assumptions that partners already know or believe men should initiate praise.
Real-Life Transformations: From Fear to Freedom
James and Claire Davis, a married couple from London, exemplify how addressing this issue can strengthen bonds. Claire initially held back compliments, fearing vulnerability after past heartbreaks. "I was concerned about 'bigging' him up too much," she recalls. Through therapy, she improved her communication, leading to a shift. "The compliments became easy after that because I wasn't coming from a place of fear or resentment," she says. James reports that this change boosted his confidence and allowed greater vulnerability, enhancing their relationship.
Natural Affirmation: Couples Who Get It Right
For some pairs, offering praise feels instinctive. Suzanne Baum and Lewis Cohen, also from London, describe compliments as an organic part of their 27-year relationship. Suzanne regularly tells Lewis he looks cool or smells nice, especially when he wears her favourite aftershave. "I'm very conscious of how important it is to have bagged a good man, so I like to tell him so," she says. Lewis appreciates her honesty, noting that her critiques make the compliments more meaningful.
As relationships evolve, experts emphasise that fostering a culture of verbal appreciation can bridge emotional gaps. Whether through simple words of affirmation or intentional efforts to reconnect, the renaissance of compliments offers a pathway to deeper intimacy and mutual satisfaction in partnerships.
