When a last-minute cancellation turned into an invitation to a stranger's home, one woman's disappointment was quickly replaced by alarm. This single suggestion laid bare a worrying gap in understanding that many women face in the modern dating world.
The alarming alternative to a cancelled date
Louisa Gregson was preparing for a date in December 2025 when her plans suddenly fell through. Her date cancelled to look after his young son. However, he swiftly proposed an alternative: for her to come to his house after the child was asleep for drinks instead.
"I was horrified at the thought," Louisa explained. The idea of a first meeting at a man's private residence, with no prior connection or safety net, struck her as profoundly risky. She questioned why some men consider this an acceptable plan, wondering if they were unaware of the pervasive warnings highlighted in crime documentaries and news reports.
A transformed and treacherous dating landscape
Having met partners organically through work and her local community in the past, Louisa found herself navigating a completely different scene in her 40s. Dating apps now dominated, replacing chance encounters. This meant meeting men "cold," with only a handful of text messages as a character reference.
Her safety routine became meticulous. She would conduct social media checks and share a date's details and photo with at least one friend. When she described to an elderly neighbour how she strategically chose a tapas restaurant within walking distance of her home to avoid an awkward lift offer, the neighbour was astounded by the sheer volume of precautionary planning required.
"My God! All the things you have to think about," the neighbour exclaimed. For Louisa, and countless other women, this hyper-vigilance is a non-negotiable part of life, ingrained from a young age through lessons on avoiding isolated paths, feigning phone calls, and staying alert.
When a lack of awareness creates unease
This fundamental disparity in lived experience is at the heart of the issue, Louisa argues. Men are rarely forced to view the world through a lens of potential threat, which can lead to a dangerous lack of awareness in dating scenarios.
She recalled another date where a man brought his dog. While initially charming, the plan to move to a different bar meant a detour to his flat to drop the pet off. Entering his home, with the door closing behind her, caused her anxiety to peak. They had only just met, shared no mutual friends, and no one knew her location.
Although the date ended well, she was left wishing he had simply asked if she preferred to wait outside. A combination of awkward politeness and a subconscious desire not to cause offence stopped her from suggesting it herself.
Returning to the man who invited her to his home, his confusion at her refusal was telling. When she gently explained it wasn't appropriate, "he just didn't seem to get it." Her stance was validated when she shared the story with friends weeks later, who were unanimously appalled by the suggestion.
Louisa's experience aligns with the launch of Metro's 'This Is Not Right' campaign on November 25, 2024, in partnership with Women's Aid, which aims to confront the epidemic of violence against women.
Now in a relationship that began with a safe, public first date, Louisa has a direct message for men on the apps. Before suggesting a secluded walk or a home visit, she urges them to pause and ask themselves key questions: "Am I going to make this woman feel uncomfortable? Should I really suggest a first date somewhere remote?"
Her final plea is simple: remember that you are a complete stranger from an app until proven otherwise. A little consideration and awareness of the different realities women navigate can make the world of dating safer and more comfortable for everyone.
