Families are being urged to hold open, ongoing conversations with children about consent, misogyny, and sexual violence, according to experts Stephanie Wescott and Jane Gilmore. The advice follows a series of high-profile alleged incidents of sexual violence against women and girls, some involving teenage boys, that have dominated news headlines this month.
Wescott, a lecturer in humanities and social sciences at Monash University, and Gilmore, a PhD candidate at Monash University, acknowledge that parents play a vital role in teaching children about respectful relationships and countering harmful online messages. However, they note that knowing where to start can be difficult.
Preparing for the conversation
Before initiating discussions, the authors suggest parents build their own confidence by ensuring they have a good level of knowledge about consent and sexual violence. Research indicates that confident parents can communicate information clearly and regulate their emotions better during these conversations.
They advise using accurate words instead of euphemisms, and particularly with teenagers, not softening the discussion by avoiding the realities of violence. According to the latest Australian Bureau of Statistics data, nearly 30% of all sexual assaults reported to police in 2024 were against girls aged 10 to 17. The number of sexual assaults recorded nationally in 2024 also increased by 10% from 2023.
Children and teenagers need to know the facts and risks, and to be in no doubt that their parents will support them through any experience.
How to start the discussion
The experts recommend creating an environment where all family members feel safe to raise concerns, ask questions, and cover topics without fear of shutdown or reprimand. A good starting point is to ask children what they have read in recent media reports, what they think about the issues, and what their friends have said.
For example, a parent might ask: “There’s been so much in the news this week about [incident]. Have you seen it?” This opens the door to important conversations that go beyond personal experiences.
Setting is also important. Instead of a formal sit-down discussion, starting a conversation in a casual setting such as the car or while doing chores can make children and teenagers feel less confronted.
Keep the conversation open and avoid stereotypes
While parents should be clear about their values—such as violence against women never being OK—asking questions and helping young people reach their own conclusions can be more effective than giving instructions. Useful questions include: “What have you heard about (a particular incident)? How does it make you feel? Do you have any questions you’d like to ask?”
Tone matters too. The experts advise keeping the conversation calm, non-judgmental, and open, and encouraging children to talk about concerning experiences and topics.
Parents should also avoid reinforcing harmful messages and gender stereotypes such as “boys will be boys” or myths about rape like “women often lie about rape” or “men need sex from women.” It’s crucial that children hear their parents reject these myths, even if they appear to agree with them—they might simply be testing reactions.
Discomfort is normal and ongoing support is key
Sex, violence, and pornography can be confronting topics, but the experts say discomfort should not become an excuse to avoid the issue. If a parent finds it truly impossible to have these discussions, they should find another responsible adult among family or friends who can act as a deputy.
Research suggests that feminist approaches from parents—centring the safety of women and girls—as well as parental support for school education initiatives on healthy relationships and consent, help support violence prevention work.
Outside the news cycle, adults can regularly support children to recognise sexism and misogyny in everyday situations. Harmful “jokes” about women can normalise the misogyny that underpins violence, so adults should explicitly name and explain these harms when they arise.
Research also shows that exposure to misogynistic content on social media can lead to young people supporting misogynistic ideas. Parents and carers should discuss the role social media companies play in spreading this content and help young people think critically about what they see in their feeds.
Starting conversations about consent as early as possible, and having them as often as possible, is the best approach. Research suggests younger children benefit from age-appropriate conversations about consent starting as soon as they can talk. This includes learning to trust their feelings, using correct anatomical words for body parts, and teaching respect for others’ boundaries. For little children, consent is not about sex but about physical affection such as hugs and sharing toys and food.
Misogyny, sexual violence, and consent are complex topics, and parents don’t have to cover every detail in every conversation. Ongoing and open communication is far more effective than one perfectly crafted conversation.
