Dating a Man Like David Haye Taught Me My True Self-Worth
Ten years ago, I was sitting in a pub with my then-boyfriend, Justin*, when he casually remarked, 'That haircut makes you look ugly.' I stared at him in shock as he took another swig of his drink. 'You think I'm ugly?' I stammered, struggling to get the words out. 'Well, that hair surely isn't doing you any favours,' he claimed, looking around the venue as if embarrassed to be seen with me.
I had just met him after cutting my hair into a French bob, a shorter style I had wanted for years. The change wasn't dramatic; I previously had shoulder-length hair. Yet, I felt an intense shame that I tried to hide. After months of enduring his relentless putdowns, something inside me flipped. I realised I hated him and needed to love myself.
A Stark Reminder from David Haye's Controversy
Last week, I was reminded of this when I read about former pro-boxer David Haye on the latest season of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here... South Africa. He caused controversy by calling his model girlfriend, Sian Osborne, an 'ugly duckling.' Haye told fellow celebrities, 'Most ugly girls realise they've gotta have a personality and the banter to tell jokes and s**t, so people overlook the fact they're not aesthetically amazing straight away – it's called ugly duckling syndrome.'
It was astonishing to read and instantly brought back memories of Justin. I wondered if he had ever described me in such demeaning terms. To make matters worse, Sian responded by calling it a compliment, stating, 'David is the embodiment of masculinity and women aren't used to that anymore.' Reading her words, I remembered making similar excuses for a man.
The Flawed Interpretation of Feminism
Sian added, 'The entire point of feminism was that women should not be told what to do, or have their choices made for them, so it's a bit hypocritical to turn around and tell me I should be offended by something I found funny.' For me, this doesn't align with true feminism. It reads like a man 'negging' a woman to keep her in line.
Feminism is about achieving equal political, financial, and social rights. I doubt there's much equality in their relationship; if Sian told David he was ugly, I imagine his response would be very different. This isn't the first time Haye has behaved poorly in the jungle. He was also criticised for calling actress Beverly Callard, 69, 'dead weight,' prioritising strength and age over character.
My Personal Journey of Self-Discovery
The whole experience reminded me of incidents with Justin. It wasn't just my hair; he regularly expressed 'feelings' about my clothes. One pair of trousers was too 'masculine' for him, and he said he preferred me in skirts. He once asked if I had considered a boob job and another time wondered about rhinoplasty. It was relentless, and I allowed it because I thought it was all I deserved.
But one day, everything changed. I realised I was worth so much more than what Justin had put me through. I finally dumped him while wearing the 'masculine' trousers he hated. From then on, I wore what I wanted, styled my hair as I pleased, and didn't let anyone question my looks.
Hoping for a Similar Awakening
I hope Sian goes through a similar process of self-love. We women have a lot of hate to unlearn, whether it's from TV with David Haye's comments or personal experiences like mine. The best we can do is love ourselves; when we transmit that into the world, comments like Haye's will never be acceptable. I love myself now in a way I never did before, and I hope Sian gets to experience that too.
*Name has been changed.
