A parenting specialist with over 30 years of experience insists that holidays with children can be genuinely relaxing, provided parents lower their expectations, loosen routines, and ignore unrealistic social media portrayals. Kirsty Ketley, a freelance writer and parent consultant, argues that the common refrain that a family holiday 'isn't a holiday' is misguided, based on her own experiences traveling with her daughter since 2014.
From Nervous First Flight to Family Tradition
Ketley recalls the apprehension she felt before her first family vacation to Skiathos, Greece, in 2014, when her daughter Ella was 15 months old. A comment from a mum at a toddler group—'It won't feel like a holiday'—struck a nerve, making her worry about sleep, food, and relaxation. Despite a 45-minute meltdown on the outbound flight, the week was 'perfectly fine,' and the family returned feeling they had indeed had a holiday.
That experience contradicted the negativity she had heard from other parents, who predicted she would just be 'parenting in a different location' and would 'need a second holiday to get over this one.' Ketley says she has never returned from a family holiday thinking that, even though her trips have included lost suitcases, arguments, forgotten goggles, sun cream battles, and 'I'm bored' moments.
The Secret: Lower Expectations and Go with the Flow
The key, Ketley explains, is to avoid over-planning and not try to cram every possible experience into a short trip. Instead, her family wakes up, sees what everyone fancies, and goes with the flow. She acknowledges that if your idea of a holiday is six uninterrupted hours on a sun lounger with a book and a cocktail, children will be inconvenient, but lowering expectations can make family holidays relaxing.
Ketley also shares practical tips: at home she cared about what her kids ate, but on holiday, 'Mama’s OOO is always on,' meaning no negotiating vegetable intake or counting ice creams. Allowing later bedtimes and extra naps also helped, as routines can survive a week or two of change.
Children Are Better at Doing Nothing Than Adults Think
In her professional work with children, Ketley has found that children are generally much better at doing nothing than adults give them credit for. It's the adults who keep asking, 'What’s the plan?' Children are happy with a bucket, spade, and a pool, often making new friends or creating their own fun on the beach.
Ketley also blames social media for unrealistic expectations, noting that Instagram is full of idyllic family holidays that are far from the reality of a child needing the toilet three minutes after leaving a service station. She advises parents to stop parenting as though they're at home, loosen the routine, lower the bar, let children stay up late, and allow themselves to relax. She admits she comes home tired, but 'tired and relaxed.'
A Shift in Perspective on Relaxation
Ketley redefines relaxation: it doesn't have to mean nobody asks for anything or finishing a book; sometimes it's simply knowing that nobody needs to be anywhere tomorrow morning, or not having to meal plan or do dishes. She concludes that one day, the children asking for snacks and attention won't want to come along anymore, and you might find yourself wishing someone was asking for a snack.
