A Life Forever Changed by Sudden Loss
Fiona Collier's world shattered one sunny May bank holiday in 1978 when she heard the unimaginable news on her boarding school radio. Her parents and 14-year-old sister Emma had disappeared while returning from France in her father's helicopter, presumed dead after air traffic control lost contact over the Channel. At just sixteen years old, Fiona faced a reality that would shape her entire existence.
The Immediate Aftermath of Unthinkable Tragedy
Fiona's memory of those first hours remains fragmented, like a disjointed comic strip. Her aunt Bunny arrived to collect her from school, where the driver she adored sobbed uncontrollably during the journey to the family home in Harpenden, Hertfordshire. The house filled with strangers, ringing phones, and overwhelming chaos as her remaining sisters Louise (19) and Sophie (6) tried to comprehend their new reality.
That first night, Fiona lay awake in her parents' bed, staring at her father's meticulously arranged shoes, imagining him wearing each pair. She clung to the hope that the helicopter's working floats meant her family might still be found alive, floating somewhere in the Channel. For two weeks, French and English military conducted extensive searches while Fiona and her sisters maintained desperate hope.
The Gradual Unfolding of Finality
The cruel reality emerged piece by piece over the following weeks. First her father's body washed ashore in France, then her mother's two weeks later, and finally Emma's body was discovered still strapped into her seat. The delay, Fiona understood, related to the tides' movements. Each discovery brought fresh waves of grief, compounded by the practical realities of three separate funerals and a memorial service that saw local shops close in respect.
During the service, Fiona experienced her first loss of control, laughing uncontrollably while wearing her fashionable mother's clothes. She worried her mother would be cross about this borrowing, a thought that highlighted the surreal nature of her new existence. The presence of young girls from their former prep school in their distinctive uniforms only emphasized how much had changed.
Family Dynamics and Complicated Relationships
The tragedy exposed complex family relationships, particularly with her aunt Bunny. Fiona discovered Bunny had emptied the family safe shortly after the accident, taking her mother's cherished jewellery including a gold charm bracelet with 26 meaningful tokens from her father. When Fiona protested about Bunny taking bottles from her father's substantial wine collection, her aunt responded with the devastating words: "Your parents are dead."
This pattern continued during a painful trip to the family's Portuguese holiday home, where Fiona discovered all her parents' belongings and recreational equipment had been removed. The local caretaker Maria revealed Bunny had threatened to fire her if she allowed Fiona into the house. These experiences created lasting wounds that would take decades to process.
Navigating Grief Through Decades of Silence
Fiona's journey through grief took unconventional paths. She attended secretarial college in Cambridge, finding solace in her typewriter's mechanical clacking that required no speech. Later, living in London with friends, she experienced what others called "fits" - sudden eruptions of pain triggered by innocent questions about family. These episodes sometimes saw her running barefoot through London streets, feeling nothing even when cutting her feet on glass.
Her coping mechanisms included sudden international travel, studying Buddhism in ashrams across Asia, yet always returning feeling more isolated. Remarkably, even after thirty-five years of marriage, Fiona found herself unable to verbally discuss the tragedy with her husband. Only through writing has she been able to communicate the depth of her experience.
Reflections on Healing and Moving Forward
Fiona named her daughter after her lost sister Emma, creating a living connection across generations. Her daughter, a former journalist, noted that today's media regulations would have prevented Fiona learning about her family's deaths through a radio broadcast - a small but significant acknowledgment of how systems have evolved.
Now studying for an MA in children's literature and creative writing at Goldsmiths, Fiona finds meaning in her daily commute past the Amersham Arms with its illuminated "Take Courage" sign. While she questions the common wisdom that time heals all wounds, she has come to believe in love's healing power, despite the deep-rooted fear of loss that remains in every cell of her body.
Her story stands as a testament to human resilience, the complicated nature of family relationships in tragedy, and the long, non-linear path toward finding meaning after unimaginable loss. Through writing and the love of her own family - including two children and grandchildren - Fiona continues her journey of healing, proving that while time may not erase pain, it can create space for new beginnings alongside enduring memories.
