Melissa Todd, a sex worker for 30 years and a dominatrix and kink model for the last 20, will speak at Margate Union Church this month on kink and Christianity. She has attended the church for about 12 years, after marrying a Christian, and describes it as a "passionately inclusive place of worship" that welcomes her despite her profession.
In an article for Metro, Todd reflects on the connections between her faith and her work, arguing that Christianity is not a "disembodied religion." She points to the biblical God who "became flesh" and the Bible's love poetry that "delights in longing," suggesting that desire is not sinful but a language of spirituality.
Church and Sex Work: A Personal Journey
Todd says she has been going to church for 12 years and finds it makes her "feel better, happier, more content, more determined to be a better human." She notes that Margate Union Church has invited her to give a talk on kink and Christianity, which has prompted her to think deeply about the parallels between the two.
She acknowledges that historically, the Church has treated sex and sexuality as "an issue to be ignored or a problem to be solved," and warns that leaving these conversations to "places and people less concerned with love, dignity and holiness" has never ended well. She cites conversion therapy and guilt among young Catholic girls as examples.
Ethical Consent and Christian Covenant
Todd draws a parallel between consent in kink and Christian ideas of covenant. "Is everyone here freely choosing this? Is power being acknowledged rather than ignored? Are boundaries clear?" she asks, noting that consent is an "ongoing conversation" that requires regular attention, much like a covenant sustained by trust and communication.
She also highlights that both kink and Christianity rely on ritual to establish roles and boundaries—"whether contracts and collars or genuflection and rosaries." Both communities, she says, are often misjudged and misunderstood by outsiders, and both are "centred around redemption through suffering."
Impact on Clients and Community
Todd recounts a recent encounter with a 76-year-old client who had hidden his desires his entire life. He arrived shaking with anticipation and emotion, but left her playroom "looking like decades of burden and care had at last left him," with shoulders back and head held high. She calls it a "gigantic privilege" to play a part in that transformation, and suspects he may have experienced "his first glimmer of spirituality."
Todd, who was recently given the industry title Sex-Positive Influencer of 2026, says she is determined to speak honestly about bodies, power, and desire in front of her congregation, despite feeling anxious. "Desire is part of being human," she writes, "and that longing for connection, for touch and intimacy, is far from a failure of spirituality: it's one of its languages."
