Kate Lawler, author and presenter, has opened up about the criticism she faces for choosing to have only one child. She recalls being told, 'An only child is a lonely child… please give Noa a sibling!' and reflects on the pressure to grow her family. Despite the abuse, she remains secure in her belief that her family of three is perfect.
Lawler’s daughter Noa is now five. Before falling pregnant, Lawler was adamant she didn’t want children, but her husband spent six years persuading her. She now says it was the best decision they’ve ever made. However, even after having a child, she is regularly hounded with abuse when she talks about the positives of having just one child, as if raising her daughter without a sibling is cruel.
Mum guilt and global crises
Lawler admits that all women are shamed over their parenting choices, whether they have one child, ten, or none. But she has been confronted with a guilt she hadn’t anticipated—over global crises. She writes about a record-breaking heatwave in the UK that forced many schools to close, leaving parents scrambling for childcare. Thankfully, Noa’s school had fans, but climate change is becoming impossible to ignore.
Even with a five-year-old, climate change is a hot topic. Noa has shown fears for the future, such as worrying about plastic in the ocean getting into fish. Lawler has partnered with NHS organisation Togetherness, which provides online courses for parents to manage such conversations. She shares hopeful facts with Noa, like that 60% of cars in China are now electric, to balance honesty with positivity.
Protecting an only child
One of the hardest parts of being a mum to an only child is knowing that one day she and her husband won’t be there. Every parent worries about the future, but with only one child, there’s an extra feeling of wanting to protect them. However, Lawler says this doesn’t outweigh the positives: they give Noa more time and attention, can afford experiences as a family, and have built a close relationship.
Lawler notes that siblings aren’t the only way to build a support network. Noa has friends, cousins, and hopefully will build her own family or community. She emphasises raising Noa to be kind, curious, and resilient. Noa has taken up chess and persevered even when it was hard. Lawler hopes that by being present and listening without judgement, she can give Noa confidence to face life with kindness and compassion.
Lawler and her husband have been honest that their marriage wouldn’t survive going back to the trenches of new parenthood, as it nearly broke them with one child. She had postnatal depression, and they were in and out of hospital with Noa. She hopes her daughter understands that a healthy, happy mum was better than giving her a sibling.
