Workplace friendships can be a double-edged sword. While some evolve into lifelong bonds, others become a source of discomfort when a colleague is too eager to extend the relationship beyond office hours. A recent Reddit thread captured this dilemma: a worker described how a colleague keeps inviting her to social events despite repeated refusals, leading to an 'exhausting' dynamic. The post read: 'I sit next to her eight hours a day, five days a week. I keep saying no to her plans, but it’s getting to the point where I need to tell her why I keep saying no. I spend too much time with her already.'
The psychology behind workplace friendship struggles
According to Yuko Nippoda, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), the root of the problem often lies in early interactions. 'People focus on being polite and friendly rather than following their personal intentions,' she told Metro. This reluctance to say no can set a precedent that becomes harder to break later. The key is to establish boundaries from the start, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Ben*, 28, experienced this firsthand. Working at a creative agency where most employees were over 35, he naturally bonded with younger colleagues. When Yasmine* joined, they hit it off and began hanging out outside work. But another colleague, Sophie*, started inviting herself along. 'It was quite uncomfortable because Sophie was nice, but she just didn’t have the same vibe,' Ben said. 'She’d hijack our plans or make us feel bad for having fun without her. She even told people at work about our drunken antics.' Eventually, Ben and Yasmine stopped inviting her, which made work 'incredibly weird' until Ben left the job.
Social media boundaries at work
The reluctance to mix personal and professional lives extends to social media. A survey of 1,000 British workers found that 40% would never add colleagues on social media. Another 2020 study of 900 employees revealed that 51% feared their profiles could be used against them at work. Bella*, who works in insurance, said: 'I am hesitant to add colleagues on social media. Not because I post anything inappropriate, but because it’s hard to know if you can really trust people at work.' She tends to follow the other person’s lead but finds it 'odd' when someone asks for her socials.
How to set boundaries politely
If you want to avoid after-work friendships without causing awkwardness, Nippoda advises being polite and consistent. 'Use non-specific phrases like 'I have a personal commitment' or 'busy schedule',' she said. This maintains professionalism while avoiding detailed explanations. Since people spend an average of 1,820 hours per year at work, these choices significantly impact daily experience. 'If you do not wish to pursue that kind of relationship, you don’t need to push yourself to please other colleagues or your boss,' Nippoda added.
For those who feel anxious about rejecting invitations, starting with gradual distance can help. The key is to respect your own wishes without guilt. As the Reddit user learned, being honest about boundaries—even if it means a difficult conversation—can prevent long-term discomfort.
