A 31-year-old man who has hidden his sexuality for over a decade is finally ready to come out to his friends, but fears their reaction after years of joining in with their homophobic jokes.
The dilemma: a decade of secrecy
The reader, who came out to his parents recently and received a supportive response, especially from his mother, now faces the challenge of telling his close school friends. He has been attracted to men since his teens and has had secret flings with men from gay clubs or websites, but never a serious relationship. Despite having girlfriends, he finds sex with men more fulfilling.
His friends, all heterosexual and now marrying and having children, think he is unlucky in love and try to set him up. He feels like a fraud for having laughed along with their homophobic jokes over the years and worries about letting them down.
Laura's advice: embrace authenticity
Laura Collins, counsellor and columnist, advises that coming out is rarely as bad as anticipated. She suggests considering methods such as sharing the news in writing to give friends time to process, or confiding in the closest friend first for support. She emphasizes that true friends are likely to be supportive, and some may have already suspected.
She also notes that negative reactions reflect more on the friend than the individual, and first reactions may change over time. At 31, living honestly without pretense is liberating.
Practical steps for coming out
Collins recommends online resources for tips and reminds readers that they remain the same person. She advises giving friends time to adjust and not making hasty decisions about friendships based on initial reactions.
The column concludes with an invitation for readers to submit their own sex and dating dilemmas to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
