When Jackie Bailey's daughter Ellie turned 12, she wanted a ceremony that marked her transition from child to actor in her own life, not a religious confirmation like Bailey's own Catholic experience. Together, they created a secular coming-of-age ritual.
Background: Bailey's own confirmation
Bailey's confirmation at age 12 involved wearing a lacy white dress and choosing a saint's name. She picked Lúcia of Fátima, who lived into old age, relating to her sister's terminal brain cancer. Despite doubts, she crossed her fingers during the creed, performing the ritual for family and her sister.
The ritual: a high tea with meaning
Ellie wanted a high tea with her favorite foods on tiered platters. They held the ceremony on a spring afternoon before her 12th birthday, with bunting, an altar with elements (water, gum leaf, candle, dirt), and symbols from Bailey's Catholic and Buddhist heritage. Ellie wrote her own vows, unlike Bailey's recited confirmation. Three female friends served as 'god(less) mothers.'
The ceremony and celebration
The brief, private ceremony included Ellie reading her vows and the women promising safe harbor. The celebration echoed ancient hominid picnics, with cured ham and pasteurized cheese symbolizing community commitment. Bailey notes the ritual confirmed possibility rather than dogma, allowing Ellie to co-create her world.
