For readers under 30, Teletext is a foreign concept—a clunky proto-internet that displayed weather, news, and sports on TV. For one family, it became the portal to a holiday from hell.
A Cheap Deal That Went Wrong
In 2001, the writer's father took charge of the annual family trip and spotted a Thomas Cook advert on Teletext for an affordable Caribbean cruise. He called the number and paid the deposit immediately. “Well, it was very cheap and we’d never been on a cruise before,” he said. “Of course, I didn’t know then that we were both going to be seasick for the entire time.”
Rough Seas from the Start
The cruise set sail from northern Spain into the choppy Bay of Biscay. The writer, then seven, discovered his propensity for nausea early. On day two, he vomited over the breakfast buffet carpet, putting everyone off their meal. Unlike most cruises that dock during the day, this one sailed through days and nights, crossing vast oceans and docking only for a few hours.
Misery on the High Seas
The writer and his father spent most of the trip lying on the bed, gripping the sheets, willing the motion to stop. They took turns sticking their heads down the toilet. Meanwhile, the mother and brother enjoyed the “Captain’s cocktail hour,” flawless beaches in the Dominican Republic, and fresh mojitos in Cuba. They admitted the seas were rough but blamed the haphazard booking.
A Vow Never Again
At the final destination in North America, the mother and brother emerged sun-kissed and well rested, while the writer was grateful for solid ground. He vowed never to get on a boat again—or let his dad book a holiday via Teletext.
